The Miseducation of Abigail Herring

lessons in humility

2012-01-23T21:17:00.006-06:00

"Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God."

Matthew 5:8

"Think good thoughts. Think good thoughts. Think good thoughts." I used to tell myself while sitting in Mr. Chadwick's Bible class. I would read this scripture over and over wondering how I could get my mind to be pure. Or maybe not think about boys every 20 seconds... This verse has always frustrated me. But this blog isn't about that.

I had an ephipany about this verse tonight; I found my remix. A year ago I was sitting with a student at MOR, my church's youth ministry, and I was trying to counsel her about her "lost" virginity. (Side note: Isn't it funny how we say we "lost" our virginity? How can we lose something that we give away? Granted, there is an exception or two.) She was telling me that the Lord asked her to put her promise ring back on. As I was listening to her, I heard "Where is your promise ring?" My head jerked for a second. "What's the matter?" she asked me. "Nothing. Keep going. I'm listening." I said with a gulp. I couldn't believe it. The Lord had just asked me where MY promise ring was. Really, God? Now-fast forward to this year. A few weeks ago, the Lord started whispering in my ear to start wearing a promise ring. I didn't jerk my head this time but I tried to explain to him the silliness in that. "Lord! I am a deflowered woman! I am defiled! Can't I just make my peace with that and move on?" As soon as I knew it, I was on James Avery looking for a new ring. I didn't find anything I liked.

Let's stop here. What is a promise ring? It's a ring one wears to signify promise to another person. Usually in the Christian faith, it means "Hey! I promise I won't 'do it' until I'm married." And in other circles it just means that you and the person you are dating are gon get hitched- thats the promise. Let's resume.

I then thought of the one place I'd love another piece of jewelry from. Tiffany's. Perfection. I found this beautiful ring that was kind of in my budget (EH. give or take) and I knew I had to get it. I'm still in the process of saving up for it. Let's be honest- some of the best things in life- you save for.

The past few days, I have not been able to get my mind off this ring. This morning I was searching for a pair of earrings when I found my promise ring from high school. "True love waits." There was no way I was putting that one back on. I fought with myself for a second. The Lord did say to wear one... BUT NO! I can't wear my old one! It was has to be new and less cheesy! Tonight, I went into my bathroom where my jewelry is kept. I sighed and grabbed the ring. I examined it's faded silver. I put it on.

I'm am still going to get my new ring. But in the mean time, I'll let this ring humble me and remind me of the promise I have.

You gotta get dirty to get clean.

Learn to be honest with yourself and your mistakes. Confess it. Get them out in the open. Go to people you can trust and talk about them. I, too, was ashamed but His love set me free. I talk about it now. I talk about my virginity that I gave away. I talk about those kisses and touches that were premature. Because I know who I am now. I know where my security lies. It's not in some guy or even in what I think I look or sound like. It's in Jesus. It's all about Jesus. When you learn to respect Him and who He says you are, it's easier to start respecting yourself. I'm proudly wearing this promise ring until I get my new ring. And then, one day, I'll get a wedding ring. And believe me, when my husband looks me in the eye on my wedding day-he will see a clean, pure woman.

Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God.

I'm thankful for the promise.

Lord, I want to see you.

My name is Abigail Herring.

Watch this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlJFvxad1_A

rags to riches (and all that kanye stuff)

2012-01-04T22:07:00.007-06:00

I've gone to start four different blogs since April of 2011. I don't want to let another year pass by. I will finish this one. I think when I go to write- I get distracted. I see my shadow or get writers block. Then I think, at this point in time, so much is happening...where do I begin?

I think this will be a blog of random rants and uncategorized emotions. I miss writing. I used to write all the time. I journal everyday but there is something about "blogging" that is just helpful to the mind.

I felt completely overwhelmed today.

Overwhelmed by grace, mercy, love, humility.

Learning to calm anger.

Cause let's face it- anger look good on nobody!

I had a really bad day at work today. There have been a few of them this week. It's not like what I do is hard either. I am a waitress (one of my odd jobs) and I make pretty good moola considering usual restaurant gigs. And I don't even work there full time or part time. I fill in for people which is great for me because it means a flexible schedule. I won't go into detail about the day. But I left feeling defeated. I came home to turn on worship music and just sit awhile. I feel that these days, I'm taking the Word into action. The Lord is a shelter, the righteous run into Him and they are safe (Proverbs 18:10). Abby version: the Lord lets me feel defeated and cry it out. I feel comfortable doing that because I know that He plays on my team. He is for me. Then He comes, in the way He does, sits quietly next to me and whispers that I'm fearless. He gives me what I need to keep going. I told him today after we spent some time- "wreck me with grace. wreck me with humility."

I feel bursting at the seams lately. The Lord gave me promises and vision last year for this year. Welp. It's this year!

It's funny to think who I was a month ago compared to who I am now. A month ago, nothing really phased me or excited me. I knew the right things to do but sometimes- yikes- I didn't do them. I knew what the Lord has promised me and I didn't hide it in my heart. Right now, I am seeing what last year prepared me for. And what I need to get ready for. From finances and beyond, I'm getting groomed. For what? Unsure. But at this point, I don't care. I'm more peaceful and calm than I've ever been. I'm enjoying the ride. But one big factor in on this whole peace train? Obedience. I was having sushi with a friend tonight talking about the power of the obedient. Think the Lord's not doing His part? Think again. What part are you not doing? I heard that voice and pressed the ignore button. But when I finally knew that I needed to obey, new dimensions opened up. I'm still in awe of it all and I make sure to thank the Lord everyday. It's more than struggles He freed me from or new things He dropped in my lap. It was my mindset. It's all about attitude. What you let take root in your mind, you'll probably see in your actions. Now that is scary stuff! Or it can be fantastic. It is what you allow it to be.

I just couldn't be more thankful. And will continue to show thanks until my last breath.

& the randoms...

*"Makin Out" by Pomplamoose is my newest OBSESSION.

Also- anything New Edition and Colbie Calliat. I'm all on that stuff.

*I've been watching a lot of Elvis footage. I just like to see him dance. And I still giggle. I'm actually wearing my Elvis t-shirt I got from Graceland this past Christmas!

You know, people say he really started it all...all the fandom obsession etc. Call me a nerd but I believe it. Watch any of his videos when he started to become more popular. Good Lord on high, he cannot help but dance. And the crowd does not know what to do with themselves! It's amazing. He is why we have groupies. And lets be honest, rightfully so.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I don't have anything to put here like I normally do.

crap.

um...

OH! the Jillian Michael's work out DVD is KICKING MY BUTT.

I love it.

2011-02-20T11:21:00.006-06:00

"I'm just a dog staring at the wall."

I'm going to tell you a story about my dog, Hubbel. Being a sassy Jack Russell Terrier/Boston Terrier pup, he prides himself on thinking he is the man of the house. It brings humor and enjoyment to the whole family. Hubbel is the most hyper dog you will ever meet. He is ALWAYS up for a challenge, always up for a new friend. He is in constant need of love and attention (and I don't use "constant" lightly. I don't live at my parents house anymore, I haven't for a while now but when I go back to visit, he is the face I love to look down at when I walk through the door. Hubbs (as we so lovingly call him) loves light. If he sees a reflection on the wall, he will sit in front of it until it moves. That is one of the only times you will see him sit perfectly still.

I was house sitting for my parents a couple weeks ago when I noticed Hubb doing the same thing he always does. He was completely still, staring at the light my phone reflected onto the wall. It then dawned on me...Hubbs and I have something in common.

I run around all day, full of energy. I always need to feel love and appreciation. But when I see that Light...I stop and stare. I'm at a point in my life where I know that I need the Lord's will in my life, whatever it is. When I even see a shadow of Him, I stop and stare. I don't want to move until he tells me to. I can get pretty analytical with it. But I must remember, God blesses a go getter. Sometimes I think He just wants us to try. I feel like a lot of people, belief system or none, sit on their hands and just wait for whatever it is they are wishing for. And I do believe there is a season for waiting. We are going to fail sometimes in this crazy journey. If you don't fail that means you aren't trying. But the beautiful thing about the "fail fall" is that we get to get back up and keep trying. God isn't a meanie. He won't set you up for failure. He will allow a lesson that leads to the next season of your life. It's easy to lose heart because the heart is already deceitful as is.

My name is Abigail Herring.
I make to-do lists and I love peanut butter.

Schmoozed.

2010-11-12T13:28:00.003-06:00

Edit below.

Well here I am.

My nose is runny, my head is pounding, and I am fed up with day time television.

Luckily for you, my dear reader, you have caught me in very weird moods lately.

For the past few days I have been hanging out, watching movies, and "being sick." These past couple of days of nothingness have been long overdue. I've been looking over my calendar wondering why I haven't had a free nothing day! Here it is! But alas, my head still pounds.

I already did my Regis and Kelly. I did my 4 episodes of Saved by the Bell. And now I am on to movies. I found a movie called The Women with Meg Ryan, Jada Smith, Debra Messing, and Eva Mendes. The story is about a woman and her friends. Pretty basic. This woman, Meg Ryan's character finds out her husband is cheating on her. I'm not done with the movie yet but there are a few ways you can go here. They either get back together, stay apart, a new love, or the movie could be a mystery? We will see.

But..

It made me wonder. How do couples for years and years stay together? How does monogamy work? I know polygmay doesn't. I don't have a hidden agenda or anything like that. But I just want to know. How do you make it work for 5 years? 10, 15, 35+ years? I've heard "keep laughing." I've heard "always have sex." I've heard a million reasons. I know God is the ultimate keeper together so I guess I don't know why I asked that question. But I do wonder about it. How do you stay happy with one person? It's a point to ponder. Another thing I've heard, "make sure it's someone you can live with for the rest of your life." (We won't go into the cheating part. I have a whole different side to that one. *hold my earings, hold my weave, hold my baby*)

Another note...my right eye is swollen (puffy, red). I have no idea why.

This movie has no men in it! I just noticed that. They reference men but none are actually seen.

Eva Mendes plays a perfect seductionaire (I think I just made that up). I started to hate her (she is the other woman in this movie) and I realized "She might be a good actor...maybe..."

I think I might go enjoy the sunshine a bit.

Another thought, I can't help feeling I am on this incredible journey. But then again, aren't we all?

My name is Abigail Herring.

Motivate yourself. God blesses a go getter. I don't care how talented you are. Nobody finds you. You find them. Go on. Get it.

(this is for me. BIG TIME)

let the church say amen.

Amen!

EDIT

Okay. I think an episode of Cheers snapped me out of it. It is the big Sam and Diane break up. And for those brief moments of fighting before its over...I felt their pain. I'm not sure if it's the benadryl or the sub par dinner I just made but I feel sad. I know their relationship wasn't a marriage. But I guess it is hard to say goodbye. (Get ready- vulnerable moment coming up) I went through that a few years ago. Where is just stopped. Almost two years gone. I remember the heartbreak for a long time afterword. I guess it is just hard to let go when you love someone deeply. The feeling that what you have worked for just fell apart...not a good one. But the willingness to overcome- a new hope. Some things are just meant to be? Some things are not? Some things you could have done differently? Some things you won't?

I don't know. Just thinking it all through. Thank you.

East Coast to West Coast- the game stays the same.

2010-11-04T00:13:00.003-05:00

I have bad breath.
Ok, I said it, therefore I feel better now.

One year ago today, my life changed (and it kept changing).
Now, I couldn't be happier.
Did it turn up as a fairy tale? Nope.
But did it teach me about my heart? Sure as anything.
I am happy. I have had one of the toughest years of my life. And I truly believe I can honestly say that. I've been brought out of so much. Been through things that I never thought I'd deal with.

There are so many stories I want to share with you. But one day, I will.

How is everyone?

I know it has been a rough season for most of us. Pushing and pushing at the till, not seeing much progress. But I was inspired today, it will pay off. All of our work physical, spiritual, mental, emotional, financial, whatever way- it will pay off. Because that is the beauty of work.

I have a lot to say. But I am tired!

I'll blog tomorrow. It will be great! We will catch up over a cup of coffee and get to know each other again.

But for now, family, keep me in prayer.
As some of you know, I LOVE singing but I wouldn't call myself a singer per say... I actually get quite nervous about it. BUT this Friday, I am facing my fear (of a singing audition) and I have an audition at a theater here called Casa Manana. I am so sick of not being on stage there. I desperately want to perform there. I decided to cut the crap, face my fear and I will being doing a musical audition on Friday. PLEASE, friends, say a huge prayer. I appreciate it so much! I would love to get cast there. Singing or not, I know I could do it! I believe!

My name is Abigail Herring.

I am just happy to be here.

Blark says the Ardvark. (and other meaningless things)

2010-10-02T21:19:00.005-05:00

I feel depressed. Not depressed but upset. I get this way every few weeks. I never know when it will hit. But it always consists of me being mopey, listening to Elton John (more than that...Elton, Rufus, Billy, Joni), almost crying (but never fully crying-most times), lack of sleep, tired bones. It's the one night where I chose to think about how I could do everything differently. But I know that all these issues are void because I am just too tired. I think my whole life I have felt like being depressed is a horrible sin. But I've come to think that it's just what you do with the depression that is the kicker. How do I explain this to my boyfriend? He is an actor too but I don't feel like he goes through this on occasion like I do. Then again, we all are human so I guess everyone does? He has asked me multiple times tonight if I am alright. I am alright. I just feel depressed. One day I will get married. Should I incorporate in the vows "I promise to not be judgmental when you are on your depressed day?"

I remember when I was in New York a summer or two ago, I met this very interesting woman named Claudia. My friend Lyndsi and I were in Brooklyn and met up with Claudia. I distinctly remember her telling us that she is depressed the majority of the time. That is how she gets the most creative. She searches and finds the inspiration. This is a thought that has haunted me since. I can't imagine myself depressed. While I laughed, we all laughed through that whole conversation I couldn't help but think about what it truly means. What does depressed even mean? Just sad? Maybe I should get more "creative?"

Whatever. I'm over it. Kinda. Not.

(Cough) Next?

I've been to two weddings this weekend. I was in one of them. The December 2010-January 2011 time span-- I will be in 3 weddings. Maid of honor in one, bridesmaid in the other two. Not to mention the other weddings I am going to this year. Maybe I should get involved in the wedding industry, I bet it banks!

God's been working in me. Stepping in faith. Moving in faith. Faith, faith, faith! I forget that when I am feeling my worst, God is at His best. He is always on his game. I'm buckling up for a wild ride. I feel it. More and more everyday.

Kris, I miss you. Call you back soon. Wedding weeks are always crazy.

My name is Abigail Herring.
In a public place, if the bathroom isn't super huge, I check every bathroom stall before I use the restroom. If I don't feel safe, I won't go.

Raw

2010-08-11T14:53:00.006-05:00

I was chatting with one of closest friends, Danielle at Starbucks.

As the flow of conversation went to deeper waters, I told her about a situation in my life that I have encountered that was rather frustrating. I told her that my heart wants to do what the Lord calls us to do in everything, especially this. I've been on my knees about it, praying and seeking. I try to live everyday and be better. But then, I see my other Christian brothers and sisters doing the same things and thinking it is okay. It's called loophole Christianity and it doesn't work. The Bible isn't a lego set. You can't just pick the pieces you want and throw out the rest. There are issues in life where I wonder if Christians even bother picking up a Bible? Have you even read the thing? Do you know what you have gotten yourself into? No? Yes? Maybe?
*Now please, hear my heart. I'm not perfect. I'm not saying I am or ever will be but I strive to obey. So when I write these types of blogs, I realize my shortcomings and I write in a non-judgment tone. I'm just trying to share how I feel, what I've gone through,and maybe to speak to someone out there who is needing a good word. Plus, if you knew me, you would know that judging is the last thing I do. (Considering I cried in Glitter my judging privileges are officially out! :) hehe.)*
So Danielle thoughfully listened and told me that my relationship with the Lord is pretty real considering I am trying, striving etc. I guess validation works because it's nice to hear someone else say it. Often times, I wonder where God is. Is he looming in the sky, roaming, hearing our prayers one by one as they come in at lightening speed? Then I remember lyrics of
"Always" by Hillsong ("Did You rise the sun for me? Paint a million stars that I might know Your majesty? Is Your voice upon the wind? Everything I know marked with my Maker's finger prints." And I think, we serve a God who is always around. Thank goodness. But Danielle said something that I will never forget. She was talking about my situation and how other people handle it who say they follow the Word. Then she said, "How can you trust a God you won't obey?" It was one of those phrases that just knocks the wind out of you because it is so good. That hit me like a ton of bricks! How can you trust a God you won't obey? I've been racking my brain about how good that is.

Let's just think about this for a while.

My name is Abigail Herring.
I can really only sleep in until about 9 AM these days. Yikes.

EDIT:
I typed this blog before work. I'm sitting here, about to head out the door to go to work. I was putting earrings in when the Lord spoke very clearly and corrected me. I need help with obedience too. Everybody does. It's just a choice with who you strive to please- yourself of your God?

sense of self.

2010-08-01T15:35:00.003-05:00

Well, herro everybody.

It has been a long while and apologize. Life took my hand for what I thought would be a slow dance and it turned out to be a fast jig.

I remember very clearly the time I started to get "busy." I've always been busy. I've always had a schedule to keep. Fall 2008 with "The Diary of Anne Frank." Doing that show, I started to realize how busy I could get. Then it just got worse.

But here I am. 9 AM on a Wednesday. I have breakfast (stawberries and cottage cheese) and a bag of things I've learned. I'm ready to throw it all on the table. Show you what I've found, what I've got.

I've been wrestling with the age old question, "Why am I the way I am?" Now, don't get me wrong. We all struggle with this at times or maybe all of our life. I just have found myself to be particularly annoying as of late.

I noticed this in two areas more specifically:

(1) I cry easily.
Now depending on the situation, sometimes I don't even shed a tear. But in an argument or maybe full of passion about a topic I can shed a tear or two. I find this annoying because I just wish I was a "big girl." I could handle things but my body likes to think it has a mind of it's own in the crying arena. But I am proud to say that I am learning to hold the tears back til later. Some of this may not make any sense to you but I am sure that I have a reader out there who is a cry baby like myself.

(2) I'm horrible about calling people back.
Self explanatory.

I just am annoyed at myself!
My sister told me the other day, "I admire you Abby." I looked at her in shock. Sometimes I look at myself and wonder "Whats admirable?" She told me, " You are your own person and you don't care." I giggled. That was true. She went on to say, " You have your own way of doing things. You don't care what other people think (keep that in your brain, we are coming back to it later...) For instance, you are 23 years old and like Justin Bieber." Ok, okay Alex. Too much. But yes, I do like the Biebs- I like his voice.

I over give.
I over love.
I cry.
I don't call people back.
I can be anal about responsibility.
I wake up early.

All these things, the little things...are what make me who I am. But I learned this- there are some built in qualities/quirks that you should keep. And there are some that need to be sculpted into a finer quality. And there are some you gotta really throw out. But that's the cool thing about life, you get to find all that out along the way. We are all going to be annoyed with ourselves. It's a given. But get past it. Move on. You are YOU. No one in the world gets to be YOU so don't try to be anybody else.

Let's go back to the italicized phrase- "You don't care what people think"

Newsflash: I do.

I realized that the other day while strolling along some facebook pages-
everybody has the "car crash" facebook page. It's so painful, you can't help but stalk- wait, look. You can't help but look. And oddly enough there are some pages where you know every facet. How many pictures they have, if they have updated their information etc.. And we don't want to look at the page but we do.

I care. I care. I care. And I think a little part of you cares and will always care. But you gotta do right by you. At the end of the day, God is my judge. I'm still learning that. Why are any of us afraid of man? *shrugs* It's a mystery. What man takes away slowly, God restores in a heartbeat, a flick of his fingers. I wish I could go more in detail, I feel you would understand. But my whole thought system, this blog is for all the world to see. And I'm not about to lock it up! I just need to tame my mouth. Be smart about what I say.

Abigail Herring: work in progress.

I just had a really deep issue to discuss...now I lost my train of thought. It was going to be good and confusing.

More soon...a whole lot more...

My name is Abigail Herring.
I have a new apartment and I'm drinking coffee in it. Grown up much?

Get Me Bodied

2010-05-19T14:48:00.006-05:00

After 22 (almost 23) years of living, I just realized, on Tuesday May 18th 2010 that I,
Abigail Herring have hips.

I know. Weird, huh? I've gone my whole life thinking I had a sub par body. It was actually called to my attention just recently that I have an hourglass frame (minus the amazingly huge boobies). Our stage manager from the last show I was in, told me that his girlfriend "admires your hourglass figure." Huh? I thought. His girlfriend worked backstage and helped me get ready for the last scene of the show. I had forgotten she'd seen me in my skivvies. I've always wanted, strove for what I thought was the "perfect body" like any girl reading Cosmo and Vogue. I wanted that pencil thin, I can fit into anything type of bod. But I realized that I don't have that. I have a pair of hips that usually don't lie. (insert Shakira music) Well, I got more motivation today to work on what I got. I talked with a mentor of mine who taught at the college I have attended for the last couple of years. We talked about agents etc and he boldly (I would not expect less) told me that I needed to drop 20 lbs. I admired his boldness yet I was used to that sort of blunt truth. He said, "Any agent is going to tell you that. I'm just telling you first." Noted. I'm working on losing that weight. It's going to be a serious task for this North Carolina girl who LOVES food and is so busy that I rarely/barely work out (although I did hit up my pilates class today)! But I know it can be done. Pray for me on my journey to a better body. I keep thinking "To get what you've never had, you must do what you've never done." And I realize that I haven't been consistent. Here we go!

Relationships are hard. But I've realized the more we grow up and discover ourselves (and about others), the more that they just might be worth it.

Let's talk about relationship with God first, shall we?
God taught me a valuable lesson the other day. I've been going through an interesting season in my life with Him. Long story short, he reminded me that we have a real relationship. UH LIKE DUH, GOD! I KNEW THAT ONE! Nope, false. The Lord went on to remind me that in all good relationships there are battles. There are joys, highs, lows, in betweens, times where you aren't sure about you or the other person etc.. He reminded me of my wrestling with my salvation, making it my own. Wrestling is a contact sport. I felt encouraged not to be weary in pursing this grand Deity that is too gracious for me but to run into Him. My mind can't take how filthy I am and his love for me that grows stronger by the minute. Mind blowing stuff, really. Not giving up when our relationship gets rough.
Life seems to get in the way but we have to remember that God is the way (yeah i TOTES made that up--pretty good. yes, you can quote me.). We can't fail. We just must pursue Him. Keep on swimmin!

Secondly, our relationships with people.
I have had a nice first hand experience of a relationship lately. It's been quite wonderful but quite the interesting ride. I'm learning a lot about this awesome new person yet I am learning a lot about myself. A lot I like, a lot I have never realized, and a lot I hate about myself! Wow! I don't want a relationship with this boy, I want a REALationship. We are pretty honest with each other which can be hard but it's pretty rewarding. I talked to a good friend of mine who is getting married next week and she said, "All good relationships are worth a fight. If you are working things out, if it seems hard at times- usually it's gonna be okay. Because you never go into a relationship with perfect sides. That's how you get stronger, you work." I think thats why God made men and woman so freaking opposite! We all get a Rubiks cube to never figure out. Fun and challenging. The Lord taught me yet another wonderful lesson about a day or two ago. "Die to self." I'm trying to get that right all the days of my life, in every situation!

Okay, I got a new job. I'm pretty pumped about it. Although I've never waitressed anywhere...so this should be interesting!

I feel like I have so much more to say. But I have to run!

My name is Abigail Herring.
JRMcCombs. I tip my hat at you sir.

plug in and find where to begin

2010-04-28T08:44:00.006-05:00

I walked into my audition last night with the confidence that I needed. Not a lot of people were there, shuffling in and out. Pairing off, reading sides, and chatting among themselves. I signed in, grabbed a side and began going over the material. "Abigail?" I heard my name being called. I looked up to see a lady, probably in her forties walk over to me and sit down. "I suppose we are reading together. Let's start." she said. After we ran over the sides a few times, we started talking about theater work. She started talking about the business. This is a subject I have thought of a million times. God, if this business is so difficult, then why did you give me the fire to do it? I'm a human first, actor second. And there is that part of me that thinks, "Well, Abbs. Let's see here...do you REALLY wan.." then the passionate part of me punches that other side in the face before it can even finish its sentence!! But as I was talking to Jill, I realized that I do want more than an awesome career. She talked about having a family etc.. the ups and downs. But all that will pan out, this I know and realize. But I guess it's just food for thought. We can have it all, we just have to know how to manage it first.

The show closes next week. I will have worked with The Artisan from December- May. I have mixed feelings. The mystery of whats next is all too exciting but I will miss the consistency of doing shows.

My Current Loves

Book

Well I really want to start rereading "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers. It changed my life the first time I read it, the second time, the third time..etc. Around the ninth time, I think it will change my life again. But for now, I've been reading the Bible. Always a solid source. I need to allot myself more time to read it.

Song

right now? "There's a Hole In My Bucket" by Harry Belafonte

Anything Nicki Minaj. I love that woman. Probably because I want to be a female rapper. Other than that, a lot of different stuff right now. I have a playlist right now called "Undead Feminism" with all my awesome divas.

Frequently worn outfit/item

Anything involving my leggings. I just wear what I feel/ what I have around. I need to change that mentality. It's pretty annoying. I need to get more clothes and live up to my fashion expectations.

Perfume

my dove shampoo/conditioner/body wash.

Makeup

my homemade foundation. beauty rush lip gloss by Victoria's Secret

Food

McIntosh Apples

Drink

Mango Madness- Odwalla Juice

Guilty Pleasure

youtube playlists

Bane of my existence

still Ed Hardy...

Joy

Andrew Milbourn

Anticipation

Video chatting with Michelle

Wishlist

new MAC make up and a super nintendo game for my wii ( I can barely wait til I get paid next! I'm going to try to budget that out!!)

Thought

Lack of faith doesn't mean God isn't real. He is realer than He has ever been. Just breathe and run back. Go back to your first love. Because, oh how He loves us.

My name is Abigail Herring.

1 Cor 13.

2010-04-20T15:36:00.001-05:00

There is no formula.

This has been proven.

Whoa, Nelly.

2010-04-12T14:50:00.005-05:00

I've just come to the most startling realization. It's 2:51 on a beautiful Monday in April. I'm sitting here listening to Hillsong, sorting audio pieces and I had the thought, "Abby, you can't make everyone happy." WHOA. That just happened. That just rocked my world. As for me, I aim to please. I'm not a doormat by any means but I do like to keep smiles on faces. Then again, I have my more feminist sides where I demand justice. And I get so worked up about a situation that I am a thought or two away from having a bra burning and campaigning outside of Washington DC. Anyway, it isn't like I haven't thought of this concept before. I have thought of it, many times. But each time I come to this realization, it is always the reality slap I need. I remember Ricky Nelson's song "Garden Party." What a dreamy guy. The chorus of the song is, "You can't please everyone, you gotta please yourself." Just a thought.

Then I think, what am I going to do about it?

*shrugs*

Just be me, I guess. Do what I feel is right.

My name is Abigail Herring.

Tech week this week. And my guilty pleasure reading is "Guideposts" and "Readers Digest."

Regretful tears and fears. Hope for the new.

2010-04-06T12:11:00.004-05:00

Check Your Regrets.

I decided to stop my schooling in January of this year. I had been pursuing a college education since August of 2006. I was in no way ready to graduate. I still had a lot of classes to take. Biola didn't seem to help, it seemed to be a set back. Those Bible classes that are required? What a joke. I love the Lord, believe me I do but if you want to transfer out of Biola- don't count on getting those classes to count for anything. Last semester and the beginning of this year, I had set my sights on TCU. It wasn't my holy grail, NYU, but it did the trick. I jumped through the hoops, prepared for auditions, etc.. As I worked towards this goal, there was a part of me that was just so tired from it all. I've been making myself "do college" for years now. YEARS of not wanting any of it! But socially, it has been burned in my brain that you will not succeed without a college education. But then I would read biographys or stories of highly successful people who didn't have one. Why couldn't I do that? I have people skills, I think that I have a good head on my shoulders, I have an eagerness to learn, and I certainly am not stupid! I can do that too! I prayed about it and felt at peace with not continuing on with my education. God and I had a long pow wow about it. I have had no regrets about it.

But here is the funny thing...

I find myself today wondering what would have happen if I was still in school right now. For the first time since the "talk" with God, I'm wondering. How my audition for TCU would have gone? What would be different? What classes would be like? How many hours I would be taking? But believe me, I have one class a week and I am this close (holds up fingers) to dropping it. I know, I know I only have a month left but it just takes so much time out of my day (when you are trying to work during the day, it takes a lot). It's a 3 hour class which usually I would have no problem with (because it's an acting class) but it is right in the middle of my day! Am I going to drop it? No. But do I want to? Yes. But I've realized that I am a tactile learner. I want to figure stuff out on my own. I love being taught but I also like exploring the unknown. I don't carry around regrets. What's the point? I just learn from them. This situation, I truly feel like I did the right thing. But I might feel a little shakey from time to time. When I mess up? When I do what's right? When I reach my goal? When I fail?

I just keep going. No regrets. Hope for the new.

I don't know why I am typing this. I think I just need to talk about it via blog.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I'd really like to visit Scotland and learn to cook different foods. And 10 days til show.

Brain Farts

2010-04-05T10:09:00.005-05:00

I need to write this blog. I need to write this blog. I need to write this blog.

This is what I have been telling myself for the past couple of weeks.

Oh, annoyance of the day. I saw someone who wrote "E.E. Cummings" as their favorite poet. Somebody, you are wrong. e.e cummings. It is not capitalized. That is the beauty of e.e. is because his name and his poetry is all lower case. get it right!

The show I am in opens in less than 2 weeks and I wish I was more excited. I'm trying to get there but those feelings will just not pour out of me! I will get there, I will get there, I will get there.

Wow, a lot of repetition today in this blog!

I have a lot on my heart. Friends, a lot has happened lately and I am excited for it all. Step by step. Sometimes I don't feel like I am leading my life. I feel like I'm being directed, then I just go along with whats going on. It's kind of a cool feeling!

Spritual Sally Moment:

Have you ever felt that you were just in neutral with God? You weren't going too fast forward but you were definitley not going backward? I feel that way right now. I go to talk to Him and I'm not sure what to say. Well, I take that back, I do know how to communicate with Him. I think it's more or less I don't know what to read sometimes. Am I making sense?

I keep thinking about a sandwich shop my friend Katy took me to in San Diego in January. They had the best sandwiches. I would give anything for one right now!

a big bad blog coming up soon.

My name is Abigail Herring.

"And you're back again only different than before, after the sky"

Eveything Comes Naturally

2010-03-17T15:06:00.012-05:00

I'm back to the basics. I know nothing. Although I still have a foundation of knowledge, I realize there is more to be learned, more to be taught, more to be absorbed. I've decided to take a step back and look at this "big picture" situation. Because I've realized that I have gotten so close to this picture that my eyes blur. I simply cannot see a thing. Take steps back. See a little more, let it be clearer than you first began.

I took a trip to Arkansas this past weekend. My newly engaged best friend is going to school there so Grace (BFF, as well) and I took a 45 minute flight pilgrammage to good ole God's country, Siloam Springs. I didn't know exactly what to expect. I was excited to see my long time friend who I felt as if we had grown a bit distant. Distance makes people distant. Corny but profound. Let that one simmer in your brain crock pot. Anyway, we had a lot of good girl time. Over the trip we got to spend a lot of time with her hubby to be. When I first met him, I wasn't sure what to think. It wasn't that he wasn't nice or whatever but I guess that I might have a little "mother hen" syndrome hidden inside of me. Plus we seemed to butt heads often. He has a big personality, I have a big personality. He loves Amanda, I love Amanda. As the weekend progressed, I was constantly amazed at the natural love that was shown between Amanda and Ryan. He has a gentle care for her that is pretty evident. But it isn't forced. I have some couple friends right now where the guy is completely lazy about the relationship. He slacks off because he know that she won't leave. Messed up, huh? Yikes. I guess I never really knew how much they loved each other. It's a strong love where they don't need huge emotional spouts of emotionalicity to show it off. They quietly hold each other with the confidence that they won't let go. I can see the Lord in this. My skeptical nature turned into a recieving excitement, it seemed like overnight. Plus, Ryan and I are a lot alike. We made jokes and I'm excited for the friendship. The night before we left, we had some girl talk. We all shared our heart on matters of life, love, and honesty. I'm slowly moving out of the glue that kept me trapped. I'm learning to move again in some areas of my life. This healing process has been embarrassing and sometimes painful but I am realizing more and more the Grace of God and who I am as a person. This trip has made me really realize how truly and completely single I am. SINGLE SINGLE SINGLE. But it has also made me realize that my singleness isn't a sickness. I figured that out last semester but it's always nice to remind yourself. As we were sitting on the couch, I realized this was the first time that I am single and my girlfriends have a boyfriend/fiancee/husband. It's very interesting when 3 of your best friends are either in a serious relationship, engaged, or married with a family. It may seem that I am out of the loop but I believe that my time will come at some point. If you would have asked me about that a month or two ago, I would have sworn up and down that I would never get married. I didn't want to at the time. I didn't even want a relationship! But as the days go by, my heart longs for someone. Dang, I'm just being honest here! Every humans number one need is to be loved. That is a fact. But I know that we must love the Lord first, love ourselves then we can love others. Be complete in yourself. My dear friend Grace, has a beau now. She has that glow about her. I love seeing that. It's awesome when you see your friends in love, getting what they have desired. I get to meet this man tomorrow. I can barely stand it. I'm pretty jazzed. Then we have lovely Anna, who is married with a kiddo who is growing by the minute. Cutest little girl you will ever see. We all are moving. I used to think that getting married was the finish line. But I've realized that we just all are in different lanes. Death is the human finish line. But after the finish line, the real life begins. So after our blood, sweat, and tears are over, it's nice to know that we get the eternal reward. Geez, I'm bunny trailing. Anyway, I've just used my thinker. There are a lot of things to think about but I'm coming to the point where I'm just going to enjoy the ride.

Here is a picture of our Freshman year of college. Anna had just gotten engaged. We all look different now. Still hot, but different.

Here is a more recent picture of Grace, Amanda, and I from over the weekend. Grace and I's last trip to Siloam. Amanda's last semester of college.

Anna and her amazing family. John, her husband. Jane, her beautiful baby.

Amanda and Ryan on their engagement day a few months ago.

Grace and her new man. Glow, glow, glow.

And yes of course, yours truly.

I had a nightmare last night. It was really scary. I couldn't get out from under the covers this morning for a little while. I don't remember a lot of it (which is weird because I usually remember dreams) but I remember there was a lot of "lets hit Abby" abuse going on. I remember there was a play that felt real except we kept looking at our lines. It was really weird.

Rehearsals are going better. *sigh* Gotta get those lines then hopefully we can start making some magic!

My name is Abigail Herring.
I bought 7 M. Ward albums the other night. I might have a problem.

Bringing Up Baby.

2010-03-12T16:21:00.003-06:00

In my deepest, wildest imagination I have long blonde hair and a sleeve. A colorful tattoo sleeve.

I have had quite the adventure(s) since I last blogged. Life never ceases to amaze me.

Last weekend, I went on a girls retreat for my church. I love being a high school leader to these girls. We had a great group. We stayed at the Gaylord Texan (it was my first time staying there. believe me, I thought I would be staying there for other reasons for a first time visit but this wasn't so bad!) It is a beautiful hotel. We had ministry time that Saturday and went out to a fancy dinner that night. I enjoyed goofing around with the girls because I like when people find me oddly funny. I can make myself laugh all the time, might as well let others see it! One of the best parts of the trip was after dinner when we had the girls wait in the other hotel room. We decorated the other room with rose petals, candles, and kari jobe music. We had the girls come in only three at a time. I got to wash some of the girl's feet and pray over them! I know "gross, feet" but honestly it was one of the best experiences of my life. Washing feet is very symbolic. We reminded them that the Lord isn't only our friend, father, mother etc but the lover of our soul. I never really got the whole "feet washing" concept until a few years ago. Then the head of the leaders, Rachel washed my feet! I was so honored. I believe God really moved that weekend. I remember when I was 15/16 years old. I wish I had the leadership and the God driven love that is shown. I went to a church where you wait to get done with the service so that we could do the activities that were planned for afterward. there was love, don't get me wrong but there wasn't a type of care that is evident at my church now. I enjoyed spending time with these girls. They taught ME a lot.

let go of it all so you will have more freedom to fall.

This concept hit me hard today. I was driving to casa manana to see a friend in "Alamo: The Musical" and I was having these great ideas. Ideas about books, movies, songs etc. Creative ideas. I wanted to pull over and write it down but I don't think one can do that on the highway. Anyway, I had this concept in my mind pop up, "let go of it all so you will have more freedom to fall." In reality, you can use this in any situation in your life. Sometimes we (especially me, thats why this is so applicable) get so tangled in the past or in situations that we are in that when we are supposed to go into a new situation, we can't fall into it because are stuck. Wow. That was a long sentence. I look at a few areas in my life and I know I cannot free fall into new things because I am in a Charlotte's Web of past stuff! So let this be a lesson, Abigail Herring and whomever (whomever or whoever?) is reading this: let it go and fall into the new.

Bulletproof- La Roux (check it out)

It's that time again.
My brain is working on new videos.
I don't know what it is about spring/presummer time but my brain just starts chugging with ideas on new videos I could shoot. I need to start.

Lady Gaga: I wonder what goes through her mind.

My name is Abigail Herring.
teased hair and cowboy boots = I'm all about it. But don't get it twisted, I'm still a ghetto girl.

Stars and Stripes

2010-03-03T10:06:00.002-06:00

Today is the start of something new and I'll tell you why.

A friend of mine from church just asked his girlfriend to marry him this past Sunday. I don't know her but I somehow found myself on her facebook page. I read her engagement note (I couldn't resist!) and I kept telling the Lord, "WOW! Look at that! Look at that!!" I was impressed by the attention to detail I saw in the proposal. He got friends and family in on it. I've been baffled lately by God's love. How he could love me, as dirty and filthy as I am..He loves me. I've been listening to Jesus Culture, Kim Walker's "How He Loves" and I've been reminded that HIS love never fails. As I look at human relationships and my heart starts yearning for love, I remind myself that in time (God's time) it will unfold. I just keep pressing on. Keep waiting on the Lord. A lot of people hate waiting but I find that when we wait, we reap the benefits even more. I don't ever want to settle for something because I got tired of waiting. Especially in this department. But I think I broke through a bit this morning. I'm starting to soften. Because like my friends new fiancee, I want my heart to be pursued. Completely cherished and loved. I've learned a lot over the past few months. I used to not really care if my heart got pursued or not. I was deceived. I do care. But I'm days older and wiser now. I'm interested in my life story but I must remember to enjoy each page at a time. I don't get to go back.

I changed my blog (as you can tell). I love the story of Elvis and Priscilla. I might not like the way it ended but I loved the beginning. You should do your research but most of you might not so I will tell you a little bit! Elvis met Priscilla in Germany when she was 14. He was older than her but he took a liking to her. Now, that I am explaining this story it sounds creepy. I guess it was the late 50's, a lot was different back then. Well, I won't keep going but I just love the story. Elvis was a huge deal and then he saw her, noticed her. I like that.

I get to go on a retreat to the Gaylord with some girls from our high school group at church. I am so excited!

I have a lot to say but it's already 11 AM. Yikes.

My name is Abigail Herring.
I made a lot of progress in my singing lessons yesterday. I love when money starts to pay off.

Show Me.

2010-02-26T10:02:00.006-06:00

accessing the accents

how ta tawk liwk a new yourka.

I have an audition on Sunday night where I need a Jewish/New York accent. I'm still studying it. Bring it on.

what a week!

I've had quite an eventful week this week.
Firstly, I'm closing a show this weekend. I remember the first day I started, maybe I should go back and read that blog talking about it. (goes back and reads blog) Okay, well, I didn't talk about it much but I remember it! This experience has been one of the best I've had. I could do this show for another 3 months.

I went to an audition on Tuesday for the theater I am currently working at now. I didn't think I gave an amazing audition but I did what I could. It was actually a very interesting process. I didn't read that much. There was a certain feel to the audition, I wasn't sure about it. I had already let it go. I didn't count on anything (not that you can count on much in this business). But to my surprise (real surprise), they called me and offered me the lead. It's been an overwhelming process. But not really a bad overwhelming, which is a nice change of pace. Not just that but a lot of other things have been in the works. As I'm working on the next steps, I'm thankful for where I've been.

obsessed

My inner wanting to be one of Nicki Minaj's "Barbies" is growing everyday. I like who I am a lot because of my eclectic current "obsessions."
This obsession: I want to have long hair, a big ole booty, appeal like WHOA, and amazing glamorous make up. And I want to be able to rap. (Don't roll your eyes, GW).

Last obsession: The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Obsession before that: Grease Style clothing -always, ALWAYS in a leather jacket.

futuristic

There is a beauty in the unknown. It's almost nice not knowing what is going to happen next week or next month. I'm buckled in.

My name is Abigail Herring.

One day I'd like to date Drake. (Just sayin)

Get Smart for the Sake of Your Heart.

2010-02-18T21:51:00.007-06:00

I've awaited this blog like a first date. I picked out what I was going to say, how I was going to say it. I got nervous around my computer. I used small talk like facebook and twitter. Then I clicked on the important button- "BLOG!" And here I am. Ready to talk. Ready to tell you the truth.

My snot has officially turned clear.
I should throw a party.
No more ickyness in my system.

"I've made a huge mistake."

I've realized in this world, being human, we seem to not take ownership of ourselves. I am quicker to take ownership of my oily hair then I am of my day to day faux pas. This is wrong of me. My heart wants to be quick to admit my mistakes and accept the blame. It is a lot easier to be honest with yourself when you can openly admit a mistake. I've had this on my mind the past couple of weeks. I just want to be able to say, "I was wrong." I feel like I'm making an effort to do so when the time is appropriate. I used to be that person who would say I was sorry even if I didn't do anything. I realized this was a disservice to myself (and to others) because I was making it easier for the other person to not have ownership. The sooner we can be honest with ourselves, the sooner we grow. Right now, I just want to grow. I'm painfully and slowly pulling out the self awareness mirror. This is a human struggle. No one is above it. We are all in it together. But we have gotten in the habit of quickly pointing the finger at others instead of asking, "Hey, did I do something wrong in this situation?" This was a painful realization the other day. I was in a situation where I said what I wanted to say, how I wanted to say it, I admitted my shortcomings and faults BUT I seemed to point the finger a lot. In hindsight (it's always 20/20- dagnabit!) I should have been more graceful, bold instead of blunt. Now I just have to leave it in the Lord's hands to work it out. I told the Lord today, "I'm a foolish loser. I'm sorry you have to deal with me sometimes." But I know that HE is bigger than the problem. I know that because HE is the solution.

"Furious Love"

I knew last night was going to be special but I didn't know it would be life changing.
I was headed to my church, where I am one of the youth leaders for our high school group. I knew that we were watching a movie but I was prepared for a feel goodery type movie. "Camp" style. You leave with the emotional high that eventually passes but you still have the remains in your brain. As I settled in our sanctuary with all of our high school students, I prepared myself for what I was about to see. A few moments before we were told that what we would see would be graphic. I'm never the best at "graphic" stuff. We watched a documentary called, "Furious Love" by a guy named Darren, a camera man along for a ministry tour. Darren wrote, produced, directed this film. The film had the overall theme of "God's love" (which I realize we take for granted because I don't think we can understand it, or will we ever.) Darren opened by saying that his expectations for the trip were minimal. He wanted to get the footage, see God move, go home. Simple as that. He immediately told the audience that he got way more than he bargined for. But the film covered everywhere from the witchcraft in Africa to the Red Light District in Amsterdam. He took us to Singapore to catch a glimpse of human sex trafficking, Boston to the Witch convention, California to a New Age Convention, and many other places. I saw a familiar face, J.P. Moreland who is a professor at Biola, where I went to school. I had to read his books for class and he was even interviewed in a chapel that I had class in. I was impressed. It seems like I run into Biola in documentaries (See: Expelled by Ben Stein and Furious Love by Darren Wilson). Although I never had J.P. for a professor, I know that he is a staple at Biola. Anyway, as I watched some interviews and clips from some of the darkest places in our world, I realized that what was "graphic" about this film was the power of darkness. Although, we did see some demon possession, hear about intense, gruesome rituals, and hear about the horror stories of prostitution- I soon realized that the powers of darkness were really around. I had always known we have a spiritual battle. I had been raised to be aware of spiritual warfare. But it seems to me that in Western culture we seem to get Satan wrapped in a pretty bow, he seems to turn on his subtle charm. But he is raw. He is real. And he is breathing. The movie was powerful. It made my soul erupt with questions, thoughts, anything that got my brain working. I started realizing that these students are in an intense war just like everyone else. Emotions flaring, youth being defined, and personalities discovered- it's a growing up process. I realized that we are deceived. Time to fight for the truth. I realized that I was deceived. I have been settling for Christian baby food when there is so much more out there. I don't feel called to other countries. I salute those that are. I pray for your quest. But I feel called to my homeland. Not that I am afraid of what is out there but it isn't the tugging force in my heart. The point of the movie is that where Satan seems to have power, God has the upper hand (the ultimate power). That will always be factual. We know how the Book ends. But yet, day to day we walk in fear. Seriously, what is there to be afraid of? I realized that God's love is bigger than me. God's love IS.

"Sue Keeps Me Real"

One of my good friends is a lady named Sue. She and I have a very special relationship. She is one of my ex boyfriends mothers. That doesn't matter though. Sue keeps me real. And I will tell you why. Over the years she has given me some great advice. I visited her a short while back and I was telling her all about my life. I told her that I was busy and I said, "God knows I get busy sometimes and I think He understands." She smiled and nodded. She kindly reminded me that we have to make time for relationships, God isn't any different. She encouraged me to set aside time. That stuck with me. Like a post it note on my heart! I got an email from Sue yesterday. She caught me up on the family etc and then she reminded me.. " Keep that quiet time set aside for Jesus...He's your life line! You are right, life is busy, but who wants to sit around twiddling their thumbs? We all just need to keep it in balance and not let our walk with the Lord take a back seat. :-)" Sue is one of the best people I know in this world. She has gone through so much yet she still relies on the Lord for every moment. She lives in expectation of His wonders, what He will do next. And she is a living example of love. WOW! Sue keeps me real.

Brain Walks and Random Thoughts:

*I only have 5 more shows left. I can't even believe it! This has been such a wonderful experience. It hardly feels like work.

* I am in complete anticipation of what's next. I can only imagine from here.

*I have two apple flavored black and mild's sitting on my dvd player. (DON'T JUDGE) and it's too cold outside and I can't smoke in the house. Not that I smoke (or condone it) at all but these were given to me. It reminds me of my Freshman year when I tried a cigar for the first time by a 7 Eleven. Ah, memories.

My name is Abigail Herring

"I just had an epiphany I need to go to Tiffany's."

Don't Stop Until You Surrender

2010-02-15T11:05:00.004-06:00

Hi friends.

It is the start of a new week. Doesn't that feel good? A new week. Another chance to do all the things you were supposed to do last week.

I'm continually amazed by God's grace. He has given me more than I deserve.

Anyone watch the All Star game? I caught the last five minutes. WOW! Intense. I should have taken advantage of the festivities all around Dallas this weekend. I am beating myself up about it now.

I start singing lessons tomorrow. I'm pretty excited about them. This will be my fourth voice lesson teacher. It's not that the first three didn't work out (well I guess they didn't since I am on to my fourth) but I don't think I put as much as I could into it. This time, it will be different. Because if you know me at all, you know two things.

1. Singing in public makes me sweat possibly pass out.

2. I really want to sing. That is one of the things I really wish I could do. Especially for musical theater, I would LOVE to sing my heart out. And sing my heart out...well.

I can't believe we are half way done with shows. WOW! Come see it if you haven't already. You won't be disappointed.

Valentines Day wasn't bad. It was a normal day for me but the night was pretty snazzy.

I recently found "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." I had always known about the movie but never watched it. I'm obsessed. I know I "shouldn't be" but it is just a great cult classic! I need to go to the midnight showing they do around here. People dress up and watch the movie. I've watched it about a million times since Thursday. I've bought half the soundtrack.

I need a nap. And I need to write a really good blog instead of random facts. I'll work on it.

My name is Abigail Herring.

(insert jazz square)

She Michael Jackson Bad.

2010-02-10T23:57:00.006-06:00

*old post written (Wednesday-Friday), published now (Monday)*

I had a great girls night last night. About 6 of us went to see the new movie "Valentines Day" which was an adorably cute movie. I'm very familiar with Gary Marshall films and you can definitley tell it's his film! I didn't cry. I didn't "Aww!" I just watched. As I started to write how I feel (about half a second ago), I realized that nobody probably wants to hear it. I know this is my blog and I can say whatever the Sam Hill I want to say but don't you hate those people that just complain all the time? I do. And I certainly don't want to be one of those. Then on the other hand, I'm just saying how I feel.

Valentines Day hasn't depressed me this year but it has silenced me. I have nothing to say.

I'm learning. Oh, I am learning. I'm struggling. I'm working it all out.

I miss Michael Jackson. I think I always will. I was watching "We Are The World (2.0)" and I felt dreams inside of me rise up that I forgot about. I don't want to miss any opportunities in this life. Not one.

I came home today and crashed on the couch. I started talking with my beautiful mother, who sat there working on her computer, two dogs on her lap. She started talking about politics etc.. As I sat there, listening to her talk about how she doesn't recognize some of the things in our country anymore I started to think of what America means to me. I guess when I was a kid I thought America meant hot dogs. Lemonade on the fourth of July, baseball games and Target. I thought America meant modern freedom fighters, people risking their lives for our country. I thought America meant everyone learning to accept differences and working with each other. I thought America meant McDonalds! I'm not sure what it means anymore. Maybe it wasn't ever what I thought.

Now that I have seen, I am responsible

2010-02-08T15:06:00.004-06:00

Random Information Blog:

+They should make an images search site called "Oogle.com." I know. I'm a genius.

+I'm going to watch The Parent Trap tonight- Lindsay Lohan style.

+My next show is tomorrow night. I jump for joy that I get to do the show 3 times a week for the next three weeks. Bring it!

Pre show rituals: brush my teeth, jump up and down, get pumped up via music ( I have a pretty intense playlist!), and PRAY. I can't eat before shows and if I do then it's very little. I'm not sure why that is. It all started with "Deathtrap." I had so much anxiety with that show. Now I just don't eat that much as a precaution. Usually at intermission I have a snack if I have time.

+ I was thinking this morning how I was a bit of a sheltered child. I taught myself about pop culture. I remember in the 6th grade I got in trouble for borrowing a Hanson cd from a friend of mine. In 5th grade, I told my parents that my older brother had a Nirvana CD in his room. Alex got in trouble for having a City High CD. All of this is way too funny now but at the time it was very disturbing to my parents.

+ I get chicken fil a tonight. God be praised.

+ Bucket List: perform for Def Jam Poetry or something like it.

+ Favorite Super Bowl Ad: the one with Megan Fox= HILARIOUS.

+ My buddy, Gabe introduced me to a college town food place called The Pita Pit. Everytime I think of it, I want to throw Gabe into a pit for introducing me. I keep thinking about those damn pitas! I love them!

My name is Abigail Herring.

I'm just here for the food. Oh, and uh, thanks for letting me ramble.

Midnight Confession- would I be saying this in the daylight? Hell no.

2010-02-08T00:48:00.002-06:00

I have a confession. One that I wish wouldn't come out of my finger tips, but here I sit writing it like it just left my lips. I don't know how I got here. It's the truth. I don't know where to stand or what to do. It's like I missed the memo with all my action cues. I just talk here and speak this line. They tell me to look pretty and I'll be fine. I don't know myself some days because I am continually baffled by my own mind maze. To be honest, I'm just writing. Not giving a thought to my rhymes because I just watched some Youtube. Def Jam Poetry.And I wish I could turn back the time...because I refuse to think the past few months of my life was a waste. I've gotten to know myself in and out. And I've realized that I am a deep pit, thoroughly rooted and not easy to get out. I keep finding different corners and pockets full of secrets. Cubbies and cubicles full of mysteries. Who will I be? Where will I go? Was I right? Wrong?

It's almost 1. Whenever you don't know what to write. Get one thought. Then just...go.

You know the name.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I need to accomplish a lot this week. Bring it.

Doodle My Name On Your Binder

2010-02-07T10:52:00.005-06:00

(hips may look larger than they appear- this was a year ago! wow!)

Who Inspires You?

That is my question of the day.

Who Inspires Me?

Charlie Chaplin. Visionary, comedian, and humanitarian. Charles Chaplin, born into poverty, worked and pressed the limits of the social system in England during his time. He worked up, made a name for himself. Moved to Hollywood. Directed, produced, envisioned a new avenue for Hollywood (Hollywoodland, actually). Physical comedy? Chaplin was one of the founding fathers of it. He is a genius. Do your research. Watch some of his short films. The comedy is still prevalent even in this digitized aged.

OPENING NIGHT!

Friday was opening night for the show. I have spent the last week at the theater- rehearsing, eating a lot of McDonalds after hours, and being rather sleep deprived. In preparation for this show, I did a lot of thinking. This rehearsal process has probably been the smoothest I've ever been through. This show has a lot of sentimental value to me but that doesn't seem to be the biggest driving force anymore. I've grown a lot over the process in regards to my craft. It's a good feeling. Friday was a nice pay off. I couldn't have asked for more on opening night. And I'm so blessed I get to do this all month long!

I could fall asleep.

Life has been changing so fast. I feel like I keep missing the memos. I'm excited for the things up my sleeve and I am also excited for the unknown. Because at this point, I have no idea. I can only see so far. While my friends are planning their weddings or where they are going to live next, I'm deciding where to have lunch next week. It's an interesting place to be.

God is good. I feel very small a lot these days. I think when you realize that you are not in control of anything it makes everything easier.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I like trying out different clothing styles and I've lost 3 lbs.

a good look over the shoulder.

2010-02-01T00:07:00.004-06:00

One of my favorite things about working in the show I am in now are the stories I get to hear from my cast mates. We have had people who were Beatlemaniacs - the lady that plays my mother threw herself on the Beatles limo in the 70's-, worked with stars before they were famous - in the other cast, one guy was Jessica Simpson's love interest in a show when she was in high school- and more. We have quite the collection of stories. I am the youngest person in the cast, which is severely weird because I am used to being one of the middle/older ones if not the oldest in a show. I get to hear about the cool life experiences of the older people in the cast. A few rehearsals ago, one of my cast mates Bob, told us the story how he met his wife. Since 1974, she has been the apple of his eye. I was reminded of this story as I went to check my email tonight. He had sent me and my double cast, Rachel, a list of love songs from the 1960s (the show is a time piece, 1969 to be exact). He talked about his wife and his love for her.

I'll be honest. I'm in a very strange place right now. A place where I have never been before, where I have never let my mind wander... I'm not sure when I will come back. I know how I got there and I know how to get out. I'm just not sure how long I will sit at this table. It's the whole "I'm not sure if I ever want to be in a relationship again" thing. YIKES. Writing it, especially being this blunt about it, its freaaakkin scary. Believe me. I've looked forward to all that jazz. Love, relationships, marriage, etc... Do I want to be married right away? No. I mean, I'm a girl so I definitley entertain the thought but I'm not ready yet. I used to be- Abigail Herring- believer in love and the magical. Now, that isn't so true. Because I'm not sure what to hopefully believe in or for. I believe in God's love and even then sometimes it's so hard accepting it. But I am convinced that His love is the only love I really need. When I find His love, everything else falls into place. Sometimes, especially this afternoon, I find myself pacing, repeating, "God, I don't understand but I will trust in You. You are my portion. You are my love." I always feel the need to tell my one true love, that I do in fact need Him every second of my existence.

When I am sitting at rehearsal, Ozarka bottle in one hand, script in the other, sweats and a tee shirt listening to the stories of love that is still being felt today- I feel a small something inside. Something that I assuredly thought was dead (or at least in one heck of a coma), starts lifting up a finger, showing signs of life. I can't see progress now but I know that I am being mended in many different ways. I'm thankful for that. I don't always want to have this mindset. It is a struggle to get out of it. But I know that if I keep my eyes set, He will show me what my heart has been missing.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I'm exhausted. Goodnight. :)

January 28th 2010

2010-01-28T16:38:00.000-06:00

There is hope.

Sing for the love you bring.

2010-01-26T10:33:00.004-06:00

I have wasted my computers battery life trying to figure out what I want to say on my blog. Because I realize I am way overdue and I should write something!

I dealt with some ghosts of the past yesterday. It started very early in the morning and carried on throughout the day. But I realized something extremely important. I have a flashlight. I don't have to deal with the ghosts. I find that sometimes we (everyone) likes to sit and revel with our own respective ghosts. Grab some coffee, tea, think about the way things "used to be." NOT. No more. Can't do that. Shine the flashlight on those suckers and get them out of there. Today is a new day.

I cannot stop listening to Christina Aguilera's "Lift Me Up" from the Hope for Haiti telethon. It is beautiful. Justin did a excellent job too on his rendition of Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah."

I've lost about 10 lbs and counting. I've been able to keep it off. It's been incredible. I had a friend ask me how I was doing it and I replied, " I find things that make me lose my appetite all the time." Kidding. (not really) But I have decided that if I am going to eat, I am going to make it good. And I try to avoid all the "bad" stuff.

I know I was going to blog about 2009- later. HA!

I hope this is one of those transitional blogs into a really great blog coming up.

Because aside from my ramblings, I've been thinking again.

My name is Abigail Herring

Life changes and choices. Come see my play. :)

You've got a secret, don't ya babe?

2010-01-11T09:35:00.006-06:00

Want to know something depressing to me?

I have a Yoplait sitting here. I was about to dip my spoon into it when I read "Nonfat yogurt made with ASPARTIME.." Oh bummer. A "bad for you, can cause side effects" sweetner. I was looking forward to that yogurt.

Turning Point Sunday. I went to my friend Amy's wedding. I had met with her couple of times last month for some girl talk. Just listening to her talk about her relationship with her future (now present) husband made my heart grow hopeful. My heart has been in such a cold place but everytime I hear her talk about God's grace and goodness in her life, it defrosts my heart a bit more. She had a beautiful wedding at our church last night. It was very classy and gorgeous. I saw a handful of my high school teachers (always weird, never a twilight zone) who I have missed dearly. Old faces, new faces. As Amy walked down the aisle, I was admiring her beauty. I looked at Chris' face beaming with delight at his new bride. I was doing very well for not crying. There is always a certain point of a wedding where you think you just might lose it, if you haven't already. While taking communion, a guy sang, "I Have and I Always Will" by Dave Barnes. that was my point. I started letting some tears fall. That song touches a part of my hear that is rarely accessable . The wedding reception was boomin. And the cake was excellent! It was fun dancing with friends.

But when the DJ has packed up, the cake has been eaten and the couple was on their way to the honeymoon...I couldn't help but remind myself of an important concept we all should keep afresh in our memory banks. First of all, people want love. That is how we were built. But after seeing how God puts two people together ( so clearly) like Chris and Amy... I'll wait for that. Their story is encouragement and inspiration. I thought to myself last night..so many people settle for "love". They kill themselves trying to keep it alive or even trying to find it in the first place! But I want a love that shines. On my wedding day, I want to make a girl like me write a blog or diary entry saying " I want a God love like Abby and (insert name here)." That's something to look forward to. It is something to aspire for. You can tell that Chris and Amy were right. God's kind of right. It will be a happy and holy marriage. I'm so excited for them.

I need a personal assistant. I work 9-5 then I have rehearsal 7-10. My room and car are completely messy. I need to work on university applications. I need to memorize audition monologues. I need to promote the show. Not to mention the list of smaller things that need to be accomplished! Oh man. SO MANY THINGS TO DO!

2009. I should probably blog about it.

Yup. Next blog will be about 2009.

Gonzo, did you skim this blog?

My name is Abigail Herring.

I lost two dress sizes and I had a pretty darn good weekend. 2010- I am buckled up.

2010-01-09T09:28:00.001-06:00

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

i am a one man wolf pack.

2010-01-06T09:35:00.003-06:00

I think I might be at the point where words fail me.

-gasp-

I know. Maybe they will come back.

Wait for it.

Wait.

Here we go.

Every time I hear Beyonce's "Single Ladies" I get pumped up! Especially when she sings it live. Her performance at the 02 Arena in London just came on my youtube playlist. Get it, girl!

I've been getting revelations right and left the past few days. Dreams, thoughts, and "AH HA!" moments. I love it yet I don't like it. Then I think, I'd rather work for the better of myself then live in ignorance of what I need to work on as a person. *sigh* Namaste. (HA!)

"When something don't sit right, you're supposed to ask questions."

- Madea, MADEA GOES TO JAIL (stage version)

Whoa. that just hit home.

I have a friend of mine who keeps telling me that I need to read the Twilight books. I started thinking about everyones crazy obsession with these fictional characters. THEN I REALIZED...I have my own. Jim Halpert. Enough said.

I haven't made any resolutions yet. Does that make me a bad human? Maybe I should sit down and do that...

Hm. This year I want to be more fashionable. If you saw me last semester, sweatpants and t-shirts EVERYDAY. It was awful.

Okay, I'm just talking to talk.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I'm getting a new phone soon. I've heard that people aren't getting my text messages. BUM.

Cry Me A River

2009-12-29T10:32:00.005-06:00

Everyone is an iceberg.

We see the top half, we don't see the bottom. A few times a day, I try to step out from my body and attempt to see how people are seeing me (lofty aspiration that might not ever be fully met). We never really know what people are walking through. We see only a smidge of whats really there. It's an interesting concept. I find myself being completely unsympathetic sometimes. Maybe I should say, unsympathetic in the ways that I should be more caring or thoughtful. But I'm learning. I am indeed learning.

Some of the best advice I have ever gotten is from my good friend Erich. He has told me two things that have stuck wtih me for years. He has a funny way of saying things that just stick with me. I guess in all of our lives we have a handful of people who can really get through to us. Erich would be in that group. I remember sitting in my room at Biola, Freshman year. I was so frustrated with how things were going. New school, new people, everything unfamilliar (an adventure in disguise but I didn't know that.) I was talking wtih Erich and he encouraged me to "start talking to God." When you don't know what to say, just start talking. Well at this point in my life, that isn't a problem. I talk God's ears off all day long! But then I remember something else he told me about a year or two ago. He reminded me that when we get submerged with our own problems to go help others. It seems like a simple concept but there is incredible depth. Extreme depth to the subject. It would seem simple to go help your mom do the dishes but I believe there is more than that. I feel as if I can get so bogged down, so one track mind that I don't even know what is going on. It's helpful to find different outlets to help others. We are told that a lot. I geniunely believe that when we start to help others not only do we feel better but we learn more about people, places in life, ideas etc. And we all need help in one way or another. That's the beauty.

I went to the first rehearsal for the show I'm in last night. It's going to be pretty phenominal. I have to get the script memorized then the rest in the process. Oh my Lord, it will definately be one to see. I think one of the coolest parts is that I will get to work with different people in both casts (its double cast) and I have never done that before. I hear that it's difficult but I am up for the challenge.

I wish they had Pandora for music videos. That would make my life!

My name is Abigail Herring.

If I am going to eat an orange, I like it when it has been refridgerated. And I have 'N Sync on Pandora right now--lovin it!

Btw, fun fact- Did you know 'N Sync technically has one more album left on their contract? The only person who is holding them up would be good ole JTimberlake. Get it together, boys!

Still Your Mercy Remains

2009-12-27T09:49:00.007-06:00

Christmas
I gave/received some great gifts this year.
But none of it mattered.

You see, this year I wasn't in the Christmastime mood as much as I normally am. All the elements were there though...we had the beautifully decorated house including the presents under the tree, all my favorite foods from good ole Grandma Herring, and plenty of time off from work. I found myself rejecting those ideas of what I had believed to be a "good Christmastime." Those elements aren't bad, not in the least, but they were hushed for me this year. I was walking around with a bit of a colder heart. And as I was desperately trying to defrost my ice cold heart, I found that someone did it for me.
You see, my brother, Jamie, is probably one of the people I want respect from the most (although I would never, ever say that outloud). It's been this way since I was a kiddo. A younger sister looking up to her cool older brother. But when I was old enough and realized that my older brother's "coolness" wasn't the most beneficial, the false ideal slowly faded away . His behavior and lifestyle started being something that I wanted no part of. I think you get that way after seeing people you love fall into things that are hazardous.
Jamie spent Christmas Eve with us. It was a white Christmas and the roads were disgusting. Usually, Jamie cuts out early from family events or holidays to go see friends. This holiday wouldn't be any different. I had sent him a text asking him to spend the night. I had arranged my room in hopes he would sleep there. I had hoped he would surprise me and spend more time than normal with us this year. He did. The three siblings watched a movie, talked, and laughed together that Christmas Eve.
As I look back on Thursday and Friday of this week, I realize that I got the best gift anyone could have given me. Cliche as it may be, I got to spend some time with Jamie. I feel like he sells himself short a lot (then again, we all do in one way or another) and I pray everyday that he would be the best version of himself.

Another thing:
The past month I have been thinking about the personage of Jesus Christ. This man who chose to save my soul intrigues me. As I sat on Christmas morning, thinking about the sacrifices that were made on my behalf (as well as the world), I can't help but bow my head in thanksgiving. We have devotions before we open presents and I usually just let my dad talk. But this year, I couldn't help but say something that was on my heart. My father was discussing obedience and love for the Lord. I quickly commented that I want to follow the Lord because I love Him. Not what he can do for me, not because hell is a scary place but because I genuinely love Him. But I've realized that love is a choice. Love is a risk. Even with loving the Lord... But when life gets hard, you have to know that the Lord has you. When it feels cold and alone, He has you.

I read a blog this morning that really hit home with me because it summed up exactly what I have been thinking, in words that seem to fail me these days.

I was going to try to explain it but here, read an excerpt for yourself," I've often wondered how Mary felt that night. If, as they wandered from inn to inn, contractions increasing and no midwife in sight, she ranted at God as I fear I might have done, "You told me I was chosen and this is the best You can do? Lemme tell ya, this is not what I signed up for. THIS IS NOT WORKING OUT." And then there He was.
In the midst of the chaos and confusion, lavish gifts and unshowered men, did she know He would take her on the ride of her life? Do we? Let us open the gifts we've been given, stiff new jeans and lives that don't fit right, willing ourselves to endure the unfamiliar until it fits us like a glove. Until we too, are transformed"

I don't even know where to begin. I feel like this paragraph, beautifully crafted, is what I have been thinking for a while. "This is not what I signed up for." But I have realized that our life with the Lord is not a PTA meeting or a field day. We don't get the opportunity to sign up for different events. But when we allow Jesus to work and to move, He supplies, He suffices, He is more than enough. And he births things within us that are beyond our comprehension. Earlier this morning, I read James 1. He was talking about how we persevere so we can be complete (and mature) lacking nothing. I think the past little bit I have realized the value of pain. Especially these days, where I clap for myself when I successfully take a breath. One of my books I'm currently reading is, "The Problem of Pain" by C.S. Lewis. Funny thing about brilliant Mr. Lewis is that you cannot rush this reading. Each sentence, each word, each space is fully loaded. Handle with caution because it could make you think. I've never considered my self a "great thinker" although I am great and I do think a lot. ;) But I crave a deeper knowledge.

I follow Kirk Franklin on Twitter and he wrote some very powerful sentences. " Mary was pregnant with purpose. delivering it was difficult b.c. of what was inside of would change the world. what's inside of u..? if you're pregnant with purpose delivering it won't b easy. what if she would have aborted the purpose b.c. of it being painful..? don't kill what u r called to do because of a painful place you're in right now. it's only b.c. there's purpose in u that has 2 come out! and I hear it's most painful when what's inside is positioning itself to come out. you're in a lot of pain? it maybe time to deliver... so you can also help change the world. Merry Christmas Family." Think about it.

I'm still defrosting. I'm still thinking. I'm still a work in progress. But it's nice to know that along the way, the Lord sends people, places, ideas to help us along. He's ever so thoughtful like that.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I need new headshots and I need to find my 2010 calendar! And read Ps 29.

Christmas Eve

2009-12-24T12:33:00.002-06:00

Cirilo Concerns

2009-12-23T11:39:00.005-06:00

Jackie C.

Jackie and I are complete opposites but we worked.
We both have an appreciation for humor and God. She challenges me. Even from Downey/La Mirada, CA, I don't forget her. She and I went through some tough times but we always were hand in hand.

She wrote this in her blog about a week ago. It was so good I had to blog about it.

"I have decided...
The moment we lose hope in people is the same moment we lose faith in God.&That mere survival is not what we should seek after but rather thriving in the face of opposition."

I read this just in time. JUST IN TIME. I was slipping. I was starting to lose hope and faith in the goodness of people. I was seeing relationships fall apart that I had never dreamed would. Some of my friendships, other peoples friendships/relationships. I cried out, "What is going on!? I don't understand" Then I saw this and took heart. We are all people. And love can be painful. Love is a choice. Love is not an emotion. Let's keep going. Let's keep striving. It's a hard to find the balance with people. Too much hope? Not enough hope?

My name is Abigail Herring.

And I wrote this yesterday.

Father Figure.

2009-12-11T10:40:00.005-06:00

Christmas Time

Crazy thought.

2 people on my facebook friends list have already died.

Last night I came in about 1 AM. I undid the alarm code...or so I thought...as soon as I stepped in the door I heard BEEP BEEP BEEP. I couldn't fix the alarm. I started to panic. It's 1 AM and my parents are asleep. Then it started to do what I had feared. When our alarm goes off it sounds like not only someone burgled our house but it's on fire too. That thing is loud! I am scrambling to get it to shut off while lights from the alarm box are flashing at me. I'm not sure how it happened but it turned off. My dad stands by the phone and waits for it to ring so we can let them know we are not getting robbed! After he gets off the phone, I say, "I'm sorry, dad!!" And I remember this very vividly, he hugs me and says, "It's alright baby. Everything is fine now." I think that a little moment like that made a huge impact with me. My dad is the kindest man I know. He genuinely shows love. When everything goes crazy, he still loves. I'm blessed beyond all measure.

I'm convinced that the Lord is in the middle of doing something that is going to be extraordinary. I know for a few reasons... (A) when I am weak, He is strong (B) He works all the time but He works when we are weary but persevering... (C) He is good to those that seek Him (Lam 3) (D) Be still and know that I AM God. With those things in mind, He is working. Plus I just feel it in the pit of my stomach that something is going on. We have hope.

You be a volume, I'll be a volume. Let's make a book.

I've determined not to waste this day. To do list mania.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I love fresh chocolate chip cookies and think about them more than I should. And I still haven't done any of my Christmas shopping.

We Are Murderers Because We Kill Time.

2009-12-08T21:34:00.011-06:00

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."

- C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity)

I've spent the past two days thinking about this blog and how I wanted to express how I feel. I spent a couple hours tonight writing. But my paragraphs of feelings can best be summed up as:

Abigail Herring: A Work in Progress.

Brain Walks and Random Thoughts:

*By the way, I have to clarify something. I've been thinking "When its good it will feel like it should" came from "Heart of Life" by John Mayer but really it is "Stop This Train." My bad. (I'm referring to a few previous blog entries.)

*I had a conversation with a great friend of mine at school, Daniel Moore. We were sitting in the theater talking about life, love, and our Voice for Theater class. I was told after my final monologue that I "thought too much." As Daniel and I were discussing this class, I said, "I think too much." He quickly responded, "I do too." Then I responded, "I'm afraid if I don't then I will be like everyone else." "Me too," he said walking up the stairs of the stage. I have been thinking about my response... "I'm afraid if I don't then I will be like everyone else." Hm. What does that even mean? Seriously? I'm still figuring that one out. (ha, I'm doing the final edit of this blog. I talk about thinking too much and say I need to figure it out meaning think more about it. Oh Abby! You sooo funnnny! Wa Wa Waaaaaa!)

*I don't know what it is about the December- mid February months. Every year during that specific time, I start pulling out my Charlie Chaplin DVD's and paying close attention to his methods. I love that man. He was a businessman and a comedian. He is an inspiration to me and what I want to be someday. Maybe not a tramp... but a person who brings complete joy. Watch some of his shorts/films today. They are still legendary.

*I think energy drinks are a hoax. It's all in the mind.

*Rainn Wilson got cocky therefore Dwight Schrute got cocky. I finally figured the mystery out. The mystery of "Why isn't Dwight that funny anymore?" I was watching an episode from this season. "Murder" The one where they play the game while waiting to hear if DM is going to go bankrupt. For the first time since season 3, Dwight is himself again. What makes Dwight Schrute enjoyable is his "I'm awesome" personality. Problem: this could go one of two ways. I think Rainn takes it to a different level in the later seasons. He turns into- "Everyone should think I'm cool" --instead of-- "I am quirky and mean everything I say" Dwight.

*God is a mystery. I wasn't sure if I liked it at first. But as the days pass, I wonder what He has up His sleeve.

*I talked to my grandma tonight. She has a lot of wisdom. I love how grandmothers nurture. She was never the rocking chair type. She is always ready for a conversation or to get out around the town type grandma.

Currently:

Book

A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis and Get Out of That Pit by Beth Moore

Song

I'm On Fire by John Mayer

(fabulous Bruce Springsteen cover)

Frequently worn outfit/item

HA! jeans, boots, and a sweatshirt. all day, everyday.

Perfume

Lovespell or Heaven by Victoria's Secret

Makeup

None (au naturel!) except Eyelights mascara by Covergirl

Food

the chargrilled chicken sandwich at Chicken Fil A.

Drink

water with lots of lemon

Guilty Pleasure

Eh, problem. Things that are guilty pleasures for most people are normal favorites of mine. Barbra Streisand's, " The Mirror Has Two Faces" Yeah, I watch that movie a couple times a month.

Bane of my existence

Ed Hardy.

Joy

http://www.hulu.com/watch/1617/saturday-night-live-update-rosa-santiago

Anticipation

Sleeping!

Wishlist

an Iphone (!!!!!!!!!) and The Beautician and the Beast on DVD

Thought

I took Nyquil a little bit ago. Have mercy if this blog is less than perfect.

My name is Abigail Herring.

Every little thing is going to be alright. And I'm starting my pilates class back up tomorrow.

PooPooBanana.

2009-12-07T23:18:00.001-06:00

I have a blog in the works. Putting some finishing touches on it. Heartfelt blogging- the best kind.

2009-12-05T15:28:00.000-06:00

Feelin lucky, punk?

2009-12-05T10:20:00.004-06:00

More random thoughts.

"Annie, being a virgin in this day and age is something to be proud of. You're like a unicorn."

- Shirley from Thursday night's COMMUNITY

It absolutely weirds me out when people put their really true feelings on facebook. I mean, I have done it a couple of times but I'm talking about the friends (we all have them) who are like "(insert name) is mad at you. Why can't you be normal around me again?" Stuff like that. Or when they write notes or have wall-to-walls about really personal things. Then again, there is a gold star to be given to the honest ones. Twitter is my outlet at times but usually I just try to hold back. Or I blog. Viola! I was thinking about a time this semester that was a turning point time for me. I went back to twitter to find the date. You can track your whole life by what you remember putting on twitter/facebook! It makes me wonder what kind of outcome people want from putting their feelings online. Then again, I have read a few facebook status' in my day and I KNEW who they were talking about. What did we do before all of this stuff? Pass notes?

My dad sent me this verse and I thought it was pretty awesome.

2 Corinthians 1:4,5,8-11.

"He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too. "Your hard times are also our hard times. When we see that you're just as willing to endure the hard times as to enjoy the good times, we know you're going to make it, no doubt about it. . .We don't want you in the dark, friends, about how hard it was when all this came down on us in Asia province. It was so bad we didn't think we were going to make it. We felt like we'd been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally—not a bad idea since he's the God who raises the dead! And he did it, rescued us from certain doom. And he'll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing."

Churchin it.

My name is Abigail Herring.

Study is the name of the game tonight and tomorrow. And my to do list keeps growing. YIKES.

Working Wonders.

2009-12-05T02:23:00.001-06:00

Thank God for my electric blanket.

Or should I say, thank you God for working through my parents to give me this blanket. It has been a comfort and support.

I hate being cold. I love warmth. In everything, I love warmth.

Hair (Half) Diatribe:

My hair is growing out. No longer will I look like a lesbian but now I am actually starting to grow a mullet/1999 haircut. Thank God. I'd take that over a lesby any day of the week. I have a friend and every time I see him he says, "Hey Abby. You're growing girl hair." But I like the growth I am seeing. I regret cutting it but I know that when it grows out longer it will be healthier, natural hair. It's a waiting game. In a weird way, I've learned to deal with a lot of pride over it. My hair means a lot to me. I've put it through some intense bleaching abuse but it still loves me and is holding on to my head.

THE COADS AND KATY BENITO

You have those people in your life who just always have awesome things to say in time of need. The word "NEED" is written on my forehead right now. A lot has happened and I have a lot of life choices before me.

I met with Mrs. Coad on Wednesday night. Spur of the moment, "I need to see you right now" talk/hug session (sometimes I just want to be hugged!!). She obliged. I went over there expecting to stay 5 minutes tops. 2 1/2 hours later, I left.

(BTW, Alex has insisted on sleeping in my room tonight. I have a single bed. This is quite a sight to see. Plus, she won't turn the light off. I won't either. We are stubborn and we obviously have a problem. I really should find my remote for my light...)

Here is the cool thing about Mrs. Coad... there is something about her that makes me feel like everything will be okay. Now, that seems like a simple thing to say but how many people in your life can you actually honestly name who genuinely put your mind at ease? And she challenges me on top of that. I love my time spent with her because I know that her wisdom will make a difference in my life. At one point she asked me if she was rambling, inside I laughed because whenever I go to her, I put my cup in front of her to have her fill it up with her wisdom. I love when she talks to me. The Coads are insanely wise. I appreciate and love every word they say to me. Spiritual mentors.

Tonight I talked with one of my best friends, Katy Benito. I can't just say her first name. I usually call her Katy Bonita (bonita means "pretty" in Spanish) because she is truly one of the most beautiful people I have ever met inside and out. She always empowers me. She truly is a gift. She let me talk her ear off for a good 20 minutes (probably more, who am I kidding?) and she then told me what she thought. She lets me be me. And I appreciate her for that. She is wise for her age and makes me excited to grow as a person.

Sometimes I do not understand the human brain. It's not that I don't understand it but I think that human nature baffles me. I saw a picture tonight that was taken almost 4 years ago and I remembered everything. I remembered the smells, how the people in the picture felt- seriously, it's almost like I could feel them hugging me...everything. It's mind blowing what we retain and what we chose to forget.

How many days until Christmas? Yeah, I have not even begun to go shopping.

Okay, bed time. I need to sleep.

Abigail shutting down in
5
4
3
2

My name is Abigail Herring.

I get done with finals on Monday and get to go back to work! And God has the plan, let Him lead.

1

Goodnight.

Rufus Wainwright

2009-12-02T23:15:00.003-06:00

I just had coffee with friends

but I didn't buy coffee. I bought a gingerbread loaf and their triple filtered water. This is a problem. Because my stomach feels like it is about to explode!

I like that there is a safety in friendships. Good friendships. I like that for a few hours I didn't think about the problems/stresses of this week. Everything at once. And finals...sweet lorenzo. No thanks.

My parents bought me an electric blanket. Probably the best purchase of the year.

(15 minutes passes)

Seriously, someone come rub my stomach. Oh, it hurts!

Okay, I need to go to bed. I apologize for the shortness of the blog.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I love homemade gifts and I don't think the swine flu is real. And I'm not sure what to put for this last sentence.

Suprise Landing

2009-12-01T08:39:00.006-06:00

Buenos Dias Compadres.

Once again, I should not even be writing this blog because I have limited time this morning. I guess you know where my priorities are involving blogging.

I always have a lot to talk about but I can never really fully get it onto the blogging template like I imagine it to be. But I am going to try my hardest to execute a couple of things I have learned the past 48 hours.

I love the element of surprise. Although, if you know me, you know that I am very hard to surprise. My mind always thinks there is something coming (and I get disappointed easily but I haven't figured out how to turn that function of my brain off yet) and prepares for all the situations I can possibly think of. But you see, I set myself up for small surprises. For instance, I will turn my phone on silent sometimes if I know I am going to be getting a text from someone I am super pumped to get a text from. That way I can I can be surprised when that person texts me. Small victories. I know how to trick my mind into being happy in that respect. I am not saying I am unhappy but like I told my mother yesterday, "I really want a good surprise." Then again, I look back in the past month and I have gotten TONS of surprises.

Mom: I don't think I'm normal.
Me: I don't think I'm normal either.
Mom: Maybe that's what makes us so alike (pause) But I think you are a little more abnormal.

I enjoy conversations like that one above. It's interesting to talk to my mom sometimes because she doesn't understand where I get my "abnormalness." For instance, I wore an outfit the other day and she told me, " I don't know how you do it. I could never go out like that." Uh, Ma! Clothes are clothes. "You don't get that from me and I don't think you get that from your father." It's funny. She means well but sometimes it comes out really...odd? I guess like me. :) But I turned to Alex last night and asked, "I wonder what its like being normal."

Okay, I really need to go get ready. I have to leave in 30 minutes or so.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I crave healthy food all the time and I am about to repaint my fingernails. And today is going to be a good, long day.

Suburban Dreams and Bigger Schemes

2009-11-28T12:02:00.005-06:00

Good Morning/Afternoon.

I am in the heart of America. Coming to you live from Kansas...! If you ever doubt the goodness of people or maybe even of America, there are plenty of places to go to find that goodness. Kansas being one of them. I am loving it here. I haven't explored all that much but I've enjoyed my time here. Thanksgiving was tops. I'm here with my lovely man friend and his mother pulled some strings for the family to have VIP passes to The Plaza lights in Kansas City, MO. We rubbed some elbows with Kansas City, MO's finest and met Eric Stonestreet from ABC's Modern Family. It was great. He was nice and humble. He kinda hung around. Which is weird because once we all got the smileys out of the way he was kind of one of the gang who was hangin around. I loved it. We were going to stay to meet Jason Sedakis but we decided we were too cold ( and it was freakin freezing). Then we saw Barry Williams (Greg Brady) and one of my GOOD friends from Biola, Melody. It was an awesome time.

I am pretty daggg gummm blessed. I can't even begin to describe God's provision.

random THOUGHTS!

* I want to cut my hair to not look like a mullet anymore. I want to bleach it blonde. I want it to grow it out longer than my shoulders. All these things a Jedi wants but has to wait for.

* COFFEE- lived off of it this week. Homemade breakfasts and coffee.

* Hyper. Right. Now.

My name is Abigail Herring

I broke my favorite nail last night and I am pretty sure that I might have shed an inner soul tear. And I love fatty foods but will resist them.

READ THIS:

Ephesians 3:14-21 (New Living Translation)

Paul’s Prayer for Spiritual Growth

¹⁴ When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father,^{a]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[a]} ¹⁵ the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth.^{b]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[b]} ¹⁶ I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. ¹⁷ Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. ¹⁸ And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. ¹⁹ May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

²⁰ Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. ²¹ Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.

Live and Let Die (dun a nun dun a nun dun an nun!!)

2009-11-24T23:34:00.003-06:00

Shabangles.

I find human life severely interesting.

Cycles.

I find it interesting how we all go through human cycles together. I feel as if a few months ago, we were struggling (when I say "we" I mean my little community of friends) and now we are all changing into new chapters of our lives. Different chapters. I like it. Like I said a few weeks ago, let's all grow with each other. Believe me, I am not a hippie by any means (secret wish) but I do like to share with people/I like when people share with me.

Speaking of hippies, I think that was my downfall at Biola-- I just wasn't a hippie. As much as I tried, I couldn't conquer the hippie movement. I tried the vegan, barefoot revolution...nothing worked. I couldn't hold on to anything. I was just me. Whatever "me" is. I'm still trying to figure that one out.

It's 11:38 and I am leaving early tomorrow to go on a roadtrip. Why am I blogging considering I haven't packed, showered, organized etc...? You are welcome, GW.

I'm typing on my mothers computer. I don't like her keys that much. This might make for a shorter blog.

there are so many things to look forward to. i'm ready.

ok.

I'm not much use right now. I need to go to bed. a bigger, better blog soon...i've got some crazy thoughts to share.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I don't snore but I do occasionally drool. And I've never been to the rodeo or circus.

OH!!!

Happy Thanksgiving.

2009-11-22T16:40:00.001-06:00

I have so much to tell you!

Soon.

When we kiss its as if our lips are agree that we were meant to be.

2009-11-16T14:56:00.003-06:00

I love music that Stephen Sondheim makes. I've been listening to the Sweeney Todd soundtrack for the past week. His genius blows my mind. I love Gypsy, West Side Story, A Little Night Music, and Sunday in the Park with George. There are a lot more of his shows but those are some of my favorites. I was listening to "Not While I'm Around" from Sweeney and there is a part in the music that sounds incredibly haunting. The way the piano plays haunts me! I love it!

The Fight with Fear

I've decided that fear doesn't have a place in my life.
And I'll tell you why.
Because it suffocates.
And I don't tolerate strangling.

I was driving today and thinking about the future. The Lord really dealt with me today about really enjoying the season. Really enjoying the days, moments, weeks that I am in right now. I have a lot to look forward to but WE MUST REMEMBER TO ENJOY THE PROCESS. No matter what. No matter the trials, no matter the triumphs. Soak it in.

And believe me, I realize that I say the same thing in every blog...just a different way. I am well aware.

But I feel that it is important to be reminded.

Okay, so I am a little afraid. But here is the dealio...
I'm gonna do what I've always wanted to do. And fear can't be an option.
Okay. So what are you fearful of?
Not too sure. The unknown.
But then I think- WHY!? I love the unknown. I love not knowing what is going to happen. I do. I love it in theater and in life.

*sigh*
Enough of this. I'm going to trust and obey. Let's go.

I am enjoying the last precious days of youth. I know, I know. I am only 22. But I do have a lot of things to get ready for. Preparation time isn't wasted time.

I am full of hope. Full of life. Right now is a good time. I've broken through some barriers that I thought might never go away. it just proves the faithfulness of God. That He meets us where we are at and provides His righteous hand. I will never get tired and never cease praising His name. Oooo I could have church right here!

I did my class schedule for next year. I am pretty pleased with it. School 2 days a week instead of 5. *sigh* Thank you baby Jesus. Then off to finish this thing up! I am ready to be done.

My name is Abigail Herring.

Sprint is giving me a new phone because my keypad is falling off. *clicks heels!*

I ain't built like a supermodel but I learn to love myself unconditionally because I am a queen.

2009-11-15T20:00:00.004-06:00

I might explode.

I have a feeling. 2 feelings actually.

1. I am full. FULL, FULL, FULL. I ate pure junk food tonight. OH! I weighed myself this morning. Young Miss Abigail has lost weight. Awesome. I actually have decided to not quit cold turkey on some of my favorite foods. I am slowly not eating them anymore. Favorite foods= the crap thats bad for you yet soooo good. I thought about quitting eating at Chicken Fil A. Then after I regained conciousness, I told myself I would think about it.

2. I have this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. Besides my junk food passing through my intestines, it's an exciting feeling. I'm supremely hopeful. You know when you just have those good feelings? I have that.

This is my song.
http://www.vh1.com/video/play.jhtml?id=1621860&vid=438066

I'm blogging a lot tonight.

I went to a memorial service tonight where my grandpa used to live. He passed July 4th weekend. I felt horrible because it was on my mom's birthday. It's hard to see her go through hard stuff. Well, obviously. But you know what I mean. I guess I just don't like to see her suffer. Alex and I went tonight in her place, she was getting back in town.

Yep, probably gonna throw my dinner up (not a habit). Tummy is upset.

I'm gonna be up late tonight. *sigh* But I'm okay with that.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I never know what color to paint my nails and I keep every script I've ever worked with. And I love Adele.

A Chorus Line

2009-11-15T17:17:00.002-06:00

I went to see a show last night called, "Snake in the Grass" by Alan Ayckbourn. In the middle of Miriam's monologue she starts talking about darkness. How in the dark, the wee hours of the morning we feel the safest to tell our secrets/thoughts we would never share in the light of day. I can't help but thinking how much truth is in that. I used to tell my friends, "If you want to know anything about me, talk with me until 2 AM and you can find out." We seem to lay in bed and use the darkness as our own movie theater. We remember what happened today, yesterday, and what we hope to happen. In the darkness, we seem to embrace a part of our mind that we don't freely share.

It's an interesting concept. It is almost frightening.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I'm making macaroni and cheese tonight. I can hardly wait.

Human Nature

2009-11-15T12:38:00.003-06:00

I don't even know where to start.

I always remind myself that when I don't know where to begin..just write. Just write whatever you are feeling, untamed.

I can't believe this place I am in. It is so different from the place I was for the majority of this year. It's funny how life can change so quickly. I find myself having to super glue my shoes to the ground. I could float up at any moment. I find that self realization is (oh my gosh, my dog just let one rip and it smells disgusting! ICK) or should I say, has been one of the key players in my life thus far. Duh. that happens to everyone. But I think it's different when you actually acknowledge progress and feel it. I always remind myself not to manipulate progress. Let is unfold beautifully and naturally.

And I'm learning in other ways too. Learning how to be a woman. Yeah, I am defn a woman physically and emotionally etc.. But a true woman. Not only in Christ but knowing who I am as a person. Striving and working.

I wish I had information I could freely post on the internet but I don't. A lot is happening and I will blog about it all soon. Bear with me for the next little bit (or the next couple blogging sessions).

My name is Abigail Herring.

I trusted Him. He heard my cry and rescued me.

Try to remember when dreams were kept beside your pillow..

2009-11-09T08:12:00.001-06:00

We teach people how to remember, we never teach them how to grow.

Oscar Wilde

I've had the most incredible weekend. I don't even want to start this week! But I know more good things are coming, I feel it and know it. Somehow I feel like everything I've been working towards, praying for, and fighting for is starting to pay off. I'm getting out of that season and into a new one. Different people, challenges, schedules etc.. I'm getting ready.

The Office

Okay, I'll skip my complaining about this season. But one of my favorite episodes is the last one of season 3. Jim is about to ask Pam out. I remember when I saw this episode and my heart just jumped. There will never be anyone like Jim and Pam, TV couple that is. It's not like they had all this drama, well they did but not compared to other shows? I guess? Anyway, I just love them.

I love Colbie Caillat. LOVE HER.

I feel good today. I'm trying to finish up this blog before I go to school. Mondays usually are the worst but I have a good feeling bout this one. Probably because I have a super good attitude. You can conquer anything with one of those!

I have so much more to write but I keep getting distracted by shiny things. :) Plus I should get ready for school No more sweatpants and t-shirts! NO MORE!

My name is Abigail Herring.

I love any form of potato and should just move to Ireland already. And this has been a boring blog but I am gonna get it together!!

Killer Bees

2009-11-07T02:20:00.004-06:00

Shaboom

This is a series of random thoughts written late at night. SHABOOM.

I find myself continually amazed by life and it's offerings. Just when I think that I have things figured out, life gives me surprises. And I love it. What's the use in doing this crazy thing if you can't be surprised? And believe me, I am the hardest person to surprise! My mind thinks of everything, seems like. (grammatically that wasn't correct...?) I am convinced that we need to enjoy our trials and triumphs because there will come a day when we don't have them anymore. Might as well enjoy being human. The pain, the gain, and the whole crazayyy thang. :)

It's 2:30 AM I feel like I can't even begin to think about sleep right now.

Yup, just sat here for 10 minutes (it's 2:40 AM).

I'm about to pop open that Bible and take a lookskis at 1 Peter. Bring it.

I'm really random right now and you get to see it!

I saw Josh Turner tonight at Billy Bob's. He was awesome and super dreamy.

I wish I had the voice of Anita Baker/ Mariah Carey. Yeah, I'd kill people with that voice.

Encouragement:

Eleanor Roosevelt (God bless her) once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Smart woman.

I've found that in the past week I easily let people make me feel like crap. It's a lot of the little things too. Not just peoples words but actions as well. And as many times as I want to feel like I am big, bad Abigail Herring- I stop and realize that my ego/emotions can be like paper, easily torn at the edges. But I am learning some valuable lessons. I gotta be true to me and brush the dirt off my shoulders. So encouragement, people are people. Brush it off. Breathe and know that you are a work in progress. Nobody's perfect. I have no idea where that came from! ha!

Shame.

We all have it. But thank God that He got rid of that crap for us. Now its our turn to let it go. Your grace is enough. Now let it be enough, stop trying to sacrifice yourself. He did it for you. Take the promises and depend on Him.

My name is Abigail Herring.

Yup. This is gonna be awesome.

Lock and Key

2009-11-01T18:05:00.004-06:00

Remember in the movies how the mother takes the rug out and beats it with that paddle thing?

Okay, that didn't sound very eloquent.

Let me set the scene. In this season and stage of my life, I feel like its the "beating the rug" stage. I feel like the Lord is getting all the settled dust, dirt, and crap out of me. The dust- where people have trampled on me or hurt me, the dirt- where I have let myself develop unhealthy patterns, and the crap- the secret thoughts or behavior that I carry around. I will never be perfected but we all go through those seasons where we are being worked on. This is my season. I hurt. I hurt real bad. But I'm working through it.

Uncertainty can be your best friend or your worst enemy.
Examples:
BFF- "I am uncertain of the future but I am working through it."
WE- "I just won't ever know."

I realize I can be very vague on this thing. I don't mean to. I guess I am just going through a lot of uncertananty. I am pretty confident in myself and who I am turning out to be. I like what I am seeing but I am also seeing a lot that I can change. I guess what scares me are the little things sometimes. Too many little things turn into a big thing. But God is faithful.

I've had some visitors from my past this week, mentally. A year ago around this time brought a lot of change, confusion, hurt, and growth. Oh man.

Anyone watch Community this week? The Halloween episode was probably my favorite episode thus far!

Try to Remember - Original Soundtrack from The Fantasticks, Jerry Orcback etc..
LOVE IT.

I was Lady Gaga for Halloween. I'll try to post pictures! I don't have very many though.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I don't agree with The Bealtes "Love is all you need." Love and hard work!! :)

Move how you move.

2009-11-01T15:21:00.002-06:00

I'm just going to write. I'm going to publish everything on here. Little editing as possible because I have decided that I am going to start making changes. I say that every day, week, month, and year. Because I think change is good. To want something you have never had, you must do what you have never done. I'm tired of being afraid. You have one life. Live it.

My name is Abigail Herring.

Fear can't be an option. Ever.

Paint on my Fingernails.

2009-10-27T11:34:00.002-05:00

Meet Richard Beymer.

We fell in love in the 9th grade when I stayed home sick and watched West Side Story.

Since then, I have tried to soak up every ounce of knowledge about the movie. I think that the story of Romeo and Juliett is horribly over used and somewhat overrated. But I can't get enough.

Practicum got done early today (Practicum is like shop class but for the theater). I used a saw today and painted. Thus, paint on my fingernails. It's a deep orange and it kinda makes it look like my dog took a nice poopy on my nails. ICK!

THIS IS IT comes out today. I want to see it so THAT IS THAT.

I am in the library and the guy across from me has a very "Christian Bale" look. He also is wearing a purity ring which makes this girl wanna holla at a thug (hahah kiddin but I thought that was funny...no? ok.) Anyway, he reminds me of Christian Bale and a guy I grew up with in North Carolina. (Quickly, why do people INSIST on talking loudly at the library? My simpleton brain does not comprehend.) I debated putting make up on before I came upstairs to the library but then I thought "Nahhh." Guess again, Sister Herring. Should have put that covergirl all ova yo face!! Dang, Gina.

An hour until class. 30 minutes until optional warm ups for class. I always go. Yikes. Moral Dilemma.

I wish I had something fantastically magical to say but alas I do not. I am just living life and trying to get through this semester without exploding. Only 5 more weeks? 6? Something like that.

OH. I'm almost done applying for NYU. Yeah, I saw how much it costs. I pretty much passed out. I still get very anxious when I talk about it. Okay, let's keep going.

Don't you wish Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was real? That is one of my top 5 movie magic places to go. I would love to take a tour of the factory with good ole Wonka. There is probably a place like that, somewhere in Germany no doubt.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I am fascinated by Hitler and the Nazis which is weird because innocent murder and racism is a pet peeve (more than that). It just fascinates me how one man can influence a bunch of people to wipe out more people. Brain can't compute.

Seasonal Changes

2009-10-24T09:33:00.004-05:00

I miss Michael Jackson today. Really badly. After his death, I still cried. The songs that have been on my playlists for years were now the hardest to listen to. Especially my favorite, Human Nature.
I think different people had different versions of Michael they wanted to see or keep in their memory banks. Some choose to remember young Michael, Thriller Michael, Free Willie Michael, Court Michael, Wacko Jacko Michael, Invincible Album Michael, then Invisable Michael ( the one where we didn't see him around too much except in bookstores and wearing weird scrub shoes), then post death Michael. There are a thousand different Michael's we can remember! But I like to remember the Michael I met as a kid. Now I didn't physically meet him but I remember the first day I fell in love with him. I knew that we would be the oldest and dearest friend when I grew up. Because we were kindred spirits. People talk about when dreams die all the time. June 25th 2009 my dream died. Not only did I have money for the comeback concert saved up but meeting Michael was in my dream book. I had to scratch that out. It just hurt me. It really did. Say what you want about Michael but I felt like I knew him. Anyway, I could write books about this subject.
Moral of this: I miss you, Michael.

I need a caramel apple cider. Starbucks favorite. I could have one all the time. I just need to buy my own stuff to make it.

Yeah, typing all that about Michael bummed me out. I feel like I was talking about my friend. :/ Ugh. I hate that sinking feeling.

I'm torturing myself today. Going to Forever 21 with a limited budget.

My name is Abigail Herring.

Where is the rent-a-boyfriend shop? I just want to walk arm in arm, starbucks in hand, scarf around my neck, giggle central with someone. But all in time. Single ladies, don't give up. :)

Details in the Fabric

2009-10-22T23:17:00.003-05:00

"Rather than love,
than money,
than fame,
give me truth."
~Henry David Thoreau

Today has been an interesting day. Kids, don't be like me. I have a history exam at 10 AM tomorrow and haven't lifted a finger. I wanted to blog. Blow off some steam.

I feel bad for you. Whoever you is. I feel bad that you see more of my inquisitive days than my other more positive emotion days. Does that make sense?

I just need to let stuff out, ya know?

I've decided that I HATE my hair. And I don't HATE anything. But I've realized that my hair shadows a lot about my life. Now, I don't hate my life. Let's get that straight. My weave has always been one of the greatest joys in my life. I love my hair. Now, I cut it in June because it was long, and dry and just didn't look good anymore. This took a lot for me to do but I knew it had to be done. I chopped it. Loved the cut at first then it turned into a deep dislike. But it's been a humbling experience. You can start to see my natural hair color. That's where I feel like my life reflects my hair. I cut what I didn't need, in the long run it will be better, you can see the true me seeping through the artificial. Boom. Life lesson, Abigail.

But I wait. Wait til my hair grows and is restored to it's natural glory.

I was facebook creepin and saw this as someones status...

"Find where you seek justification. It might be in your looks. Or in your words. It might be in your wealth, success or fame. It might be hidden deep down in the motives of why you chose your career. It might even be in the bottom of your favorite tube of mascara. Just find that area in your life where you seek it, take an imaginary can of spray paint and tag this directly across it: MY VALUE IS NOT MEASURED BY YOU."

My name is Abigail Herring.

I need to go to the bathroom and I am listening the "American Graffiti" soundtrack. And I need to study.

Time to Learn

2009-10-22T21:48:00.002-05:00

Sometimes, you just don't even know anymore.

My name is Abigail Herring.

And that is about all I know.

I lift my heart and my hands to show my love.

2009-10-21T15:06:00.004-05:00

*sigh*

It's funny to think about how we are told as children to not talk to strangers. But once a year we are lined up to go sit on a strangers lap in the mall. Oh Santa Claus. He asks us what we want, if we have been good, and he creeps in our house with presents. This could go a couple of ways. But as a child I never had the luxury of believing in Santa. Maybe that's a good thing.

"I'm Weirded Out By Your Sexuality" Moment of the Day:

I usually don't care if you are gay, straight, lesbian, asexual whatever. I recently found out the girl that sits in front of me is bisexual. It has totally weirded me out. Liking both genders just weirds me out! The only reason it weirds me out is because I'm not exactly sure how you can go from one side to the other, back and forth. I'm not "judgmental" so don't get me wrong. But we all have those times where we just get weirded out by anyone! It could be the weird couple ( we had/have/will always have) plenty of those at Biola or the the biker couples. Doesn't matter. My moment came today where I just got real weirded out! I'm saying that phrase a lot, huh!?

I also find it interesting that my teachers say "partner." Not a problem by any means. Just interesting.

"Go Girl" by Pitbull, Yung Boss, Trina
Yup, I love rap.
"Don't talk about it boy, be about it boy!"

I want to shave my head. I won't but I want to.

What's God doing in your life?

If you think God is being silent, keep seeking Him. Don't stop.

I'm at this moment where I can't hear Him but I feel Him. I ask Him everyday to clean out my ears and speak plainly. But I see Him everywhere. Trust. Depend.

Twilight. Oh boy. If I hear any more about Rob Pattenson and his weird teeth, breath, or shower habits from E! Online I might smack my computer. I have no doubt those books are good (I've read a little) but from what I know..why would girls be in love with a guy who could easily kill them, is a major creeper, watches over them when they sleep ect..? I don't get it. But if you like it, thats awesome. Different strokes. This is just my opinion. Maybe its because I like my space and good ole Ed Cullen doesn't know how to spell that word. Then again the second book, from what I hear, is different. I'll admit my argument isn't solid because I haven't read the books. I just find this interesting because people assume that since I am a girl, I like the books.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I sometimes get a magazine, turn to a random page and try to create that make up look. And I'm going to be bold, I'll let ya know how it goes.

2009-10-21T07:55:00.003-05:00

Romans 8:38-39

³⁸For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Good Morning.

I am secretly hoping I get a text/email from my teachers telling me we don't have class. It is so nasty outside and I left my rain boots in my locker at school!

I had a dream last night that I was in NYC with friends and Taylor Swift did a Broadway show. She messed up and my friend was telling me not to rub it in her face. "Abbs, I know you like to joke but don't say anything!!" We all had to act natural when I wanted to bust out laughing!

this has been a Turning Point Week. I've had to stop myself and remember to breathe because a lot of things have taken me by surprise. The little things too. It's just been one of those weeks. I've learned a lot and realized a lot about myself.

I have 30 minutes until class. I guess I should get going.

My name is Abigail Herring.

Fleetwood Mac, Charlie Chaplin and creme filled donuts (when I eat them). And my morning playlist has gospel on it. If that doesn't get you ready for the day, I'm not sure what will.

King Richard III

2009-10-21T00:01:00.003-05:00

We are all weirdos.

I've figured that one out for sure.

It's almost 12:30 and I need to be writing a short paper for class. Yikes. :/ I'll get to it.

I will never understand the Twilight phase. More on that later.

rambles.

okay, done.

this was officially a waste of 2-4 minutes of your time.
You will never get those moments back.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I have bad breath and I need to pick a nail color for my nails. And I need to set a bed time for myself.

Wildlife Accessories

2009-10-20T08:16:00.004-05:00

One little acorn.

I woke up this morning with this acorn on my mind. This little acorn is very near and dear to me. I keep it on my desk mantle.

This acorn that I am holding is one that I picked up from the side of the street on my way from work. I walk to work. It's so close that I can walk (just houses down the way).

Let's back track.. I was really battling with some things in my life that had taken root. I had let issues and situations get out of control. In hindsight, it all really wasn't "that bad" but spiritually it was poison. Plus we always like to justify situations. From ordering a hamburger you know you shouldn't eat to marrying someone who you know isn't right for you. I had been battling with a person in my life who I wasn't really sure should be in there. I had let them stay and now I was having to figure out how to get them out. This all sounds a bit harsh but I like to think of what Madea would say in a time like this, "If I have to pick between you and me, I pick me!" Meaning whos happiness is more important? The other person just might have hurt feelings.
(Reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WF_10F7eYRE ) If you watch that...you should watch the whole thing. It's got truth.

I was riding with my mother one summery August afternoon and I started crying and talking about the situation at hand. It had stressed me out to the limit. I needed to change some things in my life but I wasn't sure how. Well, I knew how but they were just not the approaches I wanted to take. Naturally, we all want the easy way out.

Now, let me say this...this is the point of the blog where you have already made assumptions on what you think is going on. The only reason I call it out is because I don't want you to think I'm on drugs or whatever haha. Or any other shenanigans.. I was just dealing with barn fulls of emotional stress.

Okay, let's resume.

I can remember exactly where we were when my mother told me this statement, "It's easier to throw an acorn away than a whole tree." WOW! That revolutionized my thinking! In my case, I should have thrown it away right off the bat. 10 months later, I wouldn't be crying my eyes out and wondering about my belief in God.

I remember walking to work the next day and finding a tiny little acorn. The day after that is when I found the acorn I have now. It was bigger. Then I took a moment to look around at the trees in my neighborhood (because I am definitely like that, I'll stop and think about life around nature) and realize what I had to do. I let this thing grow and with God's help I was going to uproot it!

I uprooted it. Gently and graciously. It was probably one of the hardest trials I have been through. For about three hours that day, I really wondered about my faith in God. If all the actions had the same consequences. I sought counsel, prayed, among other things, striving for the right answers. I can tell you now that for a long time I didn't feel like I had done the right thing but I knew in the pit of my stomach I had done it. I find that easily we turn back to our old ways or old friendships or relationships because we don't like the feeling afterwards, when we make a "right" executive decision. We are a generation, a people, a race who like to feel comfort. We quickly go back to the things that are our temporary pacifiers. One day that pacifier is going to wear out. Invest yourself in a God who is bigger than your box, family who stands in those gaps, friendships worth more than gold, and a life pleasing to who made it and the people in it. If anyone has asked me for my advice since that August day, I make sure to warn them about acorns. Toss those bad acorns out!

My name is Abigail Herring.

Now you have seen me around 8 minutes after I got up. And I'm about to go take another papier mache class!

Honesty for the sake of others (and even for me too).

2009-10-19T15:48:00.008-05:00

I have a couple of issues to blog about this afternoon.

I have a million things to do but I want to blog what's on my mind and in my heart.

Firstly, last night I went to the Miley Cyrus concert.

Now, I have been mocked for liking her music for awhile now and I could care less. I think that she puts on a good show and has some catchy tunes. Why not? Well for my birthday a few months back, my sister gave me a pair of tickets to her concert. Last night was payday. In the beginning it was an awful experience because American Airlines thought it would be super cool to have paperless ticketing. We had to wait in lines a the box office for our "paperless ticket." I don't know how to explain but lets say tensions were high, kids were screaming and I had enough (Plus the fact that a lady thought I was pregnant. That was fun.) 1 1/2 hours later, we were finally in the center and in our seats. The lines were ridiculous. I'm pretty sure they lost a lot of future business with their attempts to save our earth (or whatever?).

Anyway..

Miley. Oh Miley.
I love that girl. But I was sorely disappointed last night. Now believe me, the show was great. She played my favorites, had cool fun things (like flying motorcycles, dance party to "Boom Boom Pow" etc), and is a very good live performer. But when she came out in skin tight leather shorts and showed the majority of her body through the whole show I couldn't help but wonder what the parents were thinking when they brought their 9 year old to see pure little "Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana". Although I must say that whoever thought they were seeing Hannah Montana was in the wrong. When they say Miley Cyrus, you get to see everything this girl wants to be...which is older. Now given she didn't technically do anything wrong in this show... I just found it odd the way she acted and it made me blush a little bit (me of all people!). I saw plenty of dad's eyes glazed over with this promise of youth dancing around the stage and showing of her carnal treasures. Believe me, she popped it so many times that I thought we were in a rap music video! Come on, these are kids. I understand that Miley is reaching to be an adult and she definitely knows how to market herself. Enjoy your youth. We all want to be older than we are when we are young and vice versa. It made me sad to watch and a bit annoyed! Now, I understand there are pressures of the spotlight. I suppose I can't talk too much about that issue because I don't have first hand experience with the "spotlight." But I do know this. The reason Billy Ray isn't saying jack is because he is making money. Yes, that's right. Money makes you do a lot of crazy things and letting your daughter dress like a Jezebel just might be the least of your worries if you are worried about that cheddar! But this is all just my opinion, of course. I hope and pray she doesn't turn out like her "pop star" ancestors. *crosses fingers*

"Where does love go? I don't know when its all said and done"
Then again, when she sings lyrics like that...I wonder how she (or maybe some 40 year old writer) can tap into the depths of my heart.

And I did have a good time last night. It just makes me very aware of appearances.

Today has been an interesting day.

I've had a a breakdown and a revelation.

*sigh* but even through my swimming pool of tears, i've realized that nothing can separate us from the love of the Father and we have people in our lives for encouragement.

I spent about 5-9 minutes in my fathers arms this afternoon. I was laying on his couch in his office and he made me move over. He outstretched his arms and looked over at me. He let me cry on his shoulder. I've been lucky to have the father I have. He is probably the closest example to God's love as I can get. He is a fantastic man.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I'm about to turn my room upside down (clean) and let some stress go (move furniture). And I have a craving for cream soda!

Weekend Update

2009-10-18T09:48:00.008-05:00

I'm going on a fast on Monday.
5 days.
No food just water.
I haven't decided what else I will be fasting from. I'll be spending that time in prayer, reading, journaling etc. There are some things in my life, feelings or maybe directions my life is going or has been going that scare me, make me wonder, encourage me, and give me new direction if needed. I want to seek the Lord. I don't want a Monday, Wednesday, Friday type of God. He is always waiting on me, now to do my park--seek Him.

The Lord was AWESOME yesterday. Since the show, I haven't been working a lot lately. I worked when I could last week and got a paycheck (that was nice) and I've been trying to save it. The State Fair of Texas ends today technically and I haven't been since I was about 8 years old. I thought I'd go this weekend because I had some friends who were going to the Red River Shootout.

Moral of this story:
Texas State Fair Tickets: $15
Train to Fair: $5
Food: $18

How Much I got it for yesterday:
Tickets: $0
Train: $0
Food: $7
then we rode the Ferris Wheel: $6

WOW!
Thank you God for blessing me. We had everyone from a random couple giving us free tickets to a random guy trying to sell a buttload of his coupons. It truly was a blessing that blew my mind.

I hate the girly things we go through. What if I was skinnier? Taller? Prettier? Etc. It's ridiculous. I want to be confident enough in myself to say " This is me." Just keep your head high and keep walking. Be confident in who you are. Easier said than done. I look at myself in the mirror and am confident that I will be a prize for the man I marry but some days it just doesn't feel that way.

I had a nightmare last night about the show I was recently in. I dream about this scenario a lot. Props, lines whatever went wrong. I dreampt last night we had a 400 seat auditorium and our set was falling apart. Then I kept forgetting props and lines! Which is not like me at all! It all was very frustrating but I was asleep. But I remember being kind of awake because I kept telling myself to "get it together abigail!"

My name is Abigail Herring.

My flesh is going to die this week and I will need a lot of prayer. Please pray for me. :)

Errrrtime the beat drops.

2009-10-14T15:15:00.002-05:00

I had lunch with my brother today.

He talked about himself the whole time per usual. I'd be in the middle of telling him whats going on with me and he would pipe up asking a question on what we were talking about 30 mins earlier. As to be expected but I think in his mind he tries.

I hate the "N" word. And as much as I love rap, I never say that word. EVER. I hate when my friends say it even as "jokingly." Someone dropped it today and I almost gave them the history of the word. It means "selfish." In that case, we all are. How obtuse of people. I think I especially get mad at rappers who call each other that then get mad about being called that. Shut the front door! haha Just don't say it. It's disrespectful. But to some people it's funny. Not to this girl.

I'm starting leadership at Gateway tonight. MOR youth leader. I'm pumped to serve.

Just a few thoughts for today.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I love Justin Bieber (don't judge, he's a cutie) and I need to go to the bathroom. And I have had Chipotle three days in a row!

For the record.

2009-10-13T23:58:00.003-05:00

It's late and I have a good feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Top 5 Songs of the Past Few Days (in random order):
1. Silvia by Miike Snow
2. I Haven't Met You Yet by Michael Buble
3. We Become by Ryan Edgar
4. Halo/Walking on Sunshine by Glee
5. I Am Free by The Desperation Band

Honorary song: Trust by Keyisha Cole feat. Monica

Oh boy.

So much on my heart right now. It's 1 AM. I need some sleep but there is this beating feeling inside of me. I want to laugh. I want to cry. It's this overwhelming happiness. I can't describe it. I'm trying to be careful with how my "heart" feels. Who knew this thing was so tricky?

Nope. Can't blog right now. Gotta pray.

My name is Abigail Herring.

It's gonna be good. No matter what. It's gonna be good.

My Morning Cry

2009-10-13T09:51:00.004-05:00

Life is funny.

You don't ask for things and you get them.
You ask for things and don't get them.
You ask and get.
You don't ask and don't get.

Lord, what are you doing with me right now? Where are we going? I don't need all the details but just let me feel that peace. The peace in the car ride where Your hand sits on mine. That deep breath that no matter where we are going, it's going to be okay because I am with You.

Because I feel that I have taken the careful road with certain situations and disaster still keeps striking. But with every lightening bolt, You cover me.

I'm listening to Ryan Edgar's "We Become."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1_3AFxTyE4

Very good.

I don't mean to go all girly on my blog. I just needed to let it out.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I'm girly and growing. And I can't wait for that day when you look at me and tell me you feel it too, whomever you are.

ASSistance.

2009-10-12T15:20:00.004-05:00

I'm dreadfully annoyed with myself today.

I didn't eat any of the foods I needed to eat- I ate fried chicken instead of salad.
I didn't work out like I was supposed to- I opted to do other projects.
Among a few other things.

I worry too much. I think I'd like to think I have it all together but that is so far from the truth. There is beauty in the breakdown.

I have so many things to be thankful for.

I have a warm place to call home.
A good God, family, friends.
Passion. Life. Ect..

But I seem to be dwelling on the "beyond my controls."

I seem to be interested in someone who might not be interested in me (Believe me, I have racked my brain trying to figure out WHY THE HECK NOT!)
My grades.
My future career.

All the things that can be easily worked on through prayer. So why worry?

And I hate myself (no I don't but you know what I mean) for worrying unnecissarily for them!

God's got it.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I'm strapping in for the rollercoaster. I can already feel my heart rate being elevated, waiting for the drop in atomosphere to set my heart aflame.

Short, sweet.

2009-10-12T11:42:00.002-05:00

I have about 6 drafts for blogs that I need to publish.

It's all over! I have a massive "to-do" list on how to get my life back in order.

*sigh*

I have so much on my heart that I can't wait to share with you.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I really want to go to the Texas State Fair before it ends and I love coloring. And I'm expectant of great things.

Oh Ashley...Ashley...how I love you!

2009-10-10T12:53:00.004-05:00

I think in a way we all can relate to Scarlett O'Hara. Or at least in a way we all want too.

My mother recently was in Atlanta with my father. They went to see Margret Mitchell's apartment. A lot of MM's life is poured into Gone With the Wind. It's hilarious because she did have a "Rhett" and "Ashley" and all those other men in her life!

Welp, the shows are going well. It's been a long journey (even though its only been a month and a week). And I'm going to be glad when it's all over. I've learned so much in this short period of time.

Okay I wrote all that a couple days ago.
Today!

I think I'm going to audition for the Vagina Monologues. Because
A. I love my vagina.
B. I hate violence towards women.
C. I want to help and raise moola for this cause.
D. I love the monologues. I've read some of them.

Alright.

I've decided I'm just gonna update blogs when every so often during the day.

Yeah, you're gonna get annoyed of me.

My name is Abigail Herring.

There is something about Eminem that makes my clothes want to fall off. Enough said.

painless and simple

2009-10-05T16:32:00.003-05:00

Levi Johnston.

If I see that boy anywhere else I am going to explode. You had sex and a baby with former Alaskan Senator, Sarah Palin's daughter. Yay. I'm happy for you. You are not the coolest person to ever live. Your 15 minutes of fame will be over soon. Enjoy it. Just talking about you being talked about makes me not ever want to talk about you again. I'm done talking about you.

I have a few minutes before I leave for rehearsal.

Today has been productive. I skipped all of my classes so I could sleep in. I did a lot of stuff I needed to do.

I like the feeling of not being mad anymore. I ran across someones facebook the other day and I didn't feel a thing. Then you remember the days when you were mad. Those unproductive days of drinking the "angry poison" hoping that it would kill the other person, while you slowly die yourself. I'm glad those days are over.

Who are you?

Can anybody answer that question?

My name is Abigail Herring.

I am:
passionate
short on answers to the tough questions
a hip hop enthusiast
ready for love but willing to wait
blue eyed
using Speed Stick as deodorant
loving fall in Texas (whatever that amounts to be)
doing laundry.

just to name a few.

driving with a faint heart

2009-10-05T10:15:00.002-05:00

Forgive me father for I have sinned. It has been 6 days since my last bloggfession.

My sleep time has been messed with this past week. I had one of my reoccurring dreams this week. It happens every month or so for a series of days. Every time a different scenario but the same words this guy says to me in the end (and for the privacy ha I'll shorten it up) "I don't want you." Oh my gosh. Seriously? Then a couple of nights ago, I had a dream that someone else kept telling me "Stop screwing everything up. Stop lying." in so many words. But I was half awake, half asleep and I couldn't seem to pull myself out of it. I was laying there, paralyzed getting beat up by my own fears. Then last night, I guess the NyQuil I took allowed me to see all my "hidden" thoughts revealed. It's intimidating when you are put in a corner with your dreams. Maybe my unconscious shouldn't play with me on the playground anymore. But unfortunately, that's one baby that will never go away.

I had yet another TPS yesterday (TPS= Turning Point Sunday). I realized that I don't want to waste my time on boys. Now, I know thats hilarious because of the looonngg blog I wrote the other day. I've just decided to keep working on myself. Abigail Herring betterment. Silly thought. I realize this. It's kinda like "duh!" ha. Okay, well..its was big to me!

The show opens this week. I feel pretty confident. I just need to go out there and do my thing. It all gets a little overwhelming though. It is never as easy as it looks in the movies. Never. There are always 10,000 hands making that 1 person look good. That's why actors get paid the big bucks. Do you think it would be easy accessing a part of yourself that might not be in your character? Then again, some people are clearly overpaid. Ah, the circle of showbusiness!

I wrote a blog on hip hop. It needs a lot of editing though. I hope to write more soon.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I need all the prayer I can get to make it through this week. And I love chocolate chip cookies!

This I Promise You

2009-10-02T17:56:00.002-05:00

Promise:

I will be blogging as soon as possible.

Pink Polka Dots

2009-09-29T08:35:00.005-05:00

Warning: this will probably be a long blog. It will also make you think, laugh, feel, sometimes cry and maybe a few other emotions.
You ready? Let's go.

Can you smell that? I can't either but I can sense what is going on! Boyfriend season. :)

Then I think to myself, every season is boyfriend season. There is not an off season to having one. Maybe in a relationship, there will be that off time but wanting one? Nope. Girls always want one. Most every girl in my life is either in a serious relationship, engaged, married, pregnant, or already has a family. Which is not a bad thing, it is quite fantastic! It just makes for awkward timing for the single girl (wow. that sounded like Carrie Bradshaw!) when it comes to lunches, dinner parties, ect.. (I hate the million questions I get when I am single. Why are you single? When are you going to get engaged? Where is your boyfriend? Yes, I have gotten all those in the past 6 months. I think people expect me to be a walking boyfriend collector. Yikes. Anyway..) The other small percentage of my friends desperately want boyfriend and will admit it. And as much as we like hearing our attached girlfriends talk about how we will soon find love, well, anyway..

To every girl who wants to walk hand and hand with a boy in the heart of fall, leaves trickling down around your path. To every girl who would like to spend half an hour talking about her boyfriend too when out to lunch with the attached friend . To every girl who journals, prays, and wonders who the next one or possibly the last one will be. To every girl who feels a little insignificant but boosts herself up because after all..she will be the best girlfriend he or anyone has ever seen.
To every girl reading this..here is a thought or two.

If you agree with any of my "To every girl.." just know that I am in the same boat with you, fervently rowing along. Obviously, because I wrote all those! So I do agree! But here is some fresh perspective. I'm going to try not to preach on this subject. I suppose I am just super passionate about it.

Firstly, I'd like to tell you my mindset and how I feel about the subject. If you don't wanna hear it, skip these next few paragraphs.

This is just me:
I live by two rules when it comes to dating relationships. They are peculiar rules but they keep me sane at night.
1. Matthew 6:33 "Seek ye first the Kingdom and God and His righteousness and ALL THESE THINGS will be added unto you."
Simple? Sometimes. Just go with God. He isn't a scary dictator but He is the ultimate keeper of your heart. And your heart is a tricky organ. Yeah buddy it is! One day you feel one way, the next day you feel differently. I need someone who is stable and able. God is both of those things. Now, I'm not gonna give you that "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" stuff because I think that is a bunch of crap. It might work for some people which is good. But I think that you need to date around to know what you want/need. I spent years feeling horrible in high school because I dated often. Private Christian school kinda thinks you're a slut no matter what. Wait, you're wearing those socks? Slut! You're having grape jello rather than cherry? Slut! You date when you are 17 years old? Slut! But now here I am, with a better understanding with what I want in a man/relationship. It wasn't an easy road but its been smoother sailing lately. But there are a lot of boundaries that need to happen if that is going to be the case. Dating can be tricky. We will talk all about that later.
2. A line from "The Heart of Life" by John Mayer, "When it's good, it will feel like it should."
We can all sense when something is not right in a relationship. I am a firm believer in this quote because have you ever been in a relational situation where it just didn't feel right? Or you should be happier but you aren't? I hate that. I've been in perfectly wonderful situations but there is a disconnect inside. I can't shake it and I can't move it. I call it quits, feel like crap, and then I find out why I did. It had all turned out for the best. Sometimes we don't find out. And sometimes we ignore those rocks. We try to move them. And when we ignore that feeling, not the prettiest sight to see. When it is good, it will feel like it should. Or for girls like me, when it is God, it will feel like a should.
Tip: If you are ever in that situation ask God that he makes this lesson a "minimester" not a semester. That you learn what you need to learn quickly.

Quickly, the reason I emphasize God so much in a dating relationship is because He is the most important part of this process. We might not do everything the right way, that is a given because we are humans! But he is a necessary foundation to anything.

And there is a part of me that hates talking about all this. I have so much love to give. 1,000,000,000 romantic ideas. But I'm tired of being the pursuer. Let him come to me.

Let's press on..
Alright so it's boyfriend season. And you are without one. It's going to be okay. :) I know you aren't like freaking out or anything. But I do know that in the quietness of your room there is some lonesome feelings. I feel those too. That's why I am here. In my lonliness and perseverance to be content in the growth of who Abigail Herring is, I want to be here to help. Lean on me. I can take it. I think it's a beautiful thing when people have these little heart struggles. Because 1. We are alive and feeling. 2. We get to work some things out with ourselves 3. The fellowship of womanhood that comes out of the struggle is amazing. Now, I don't like pain but if I am going to have to "grow up" and go through "life" I might as well have some friends to be with me.

Another thing..don't settle. I was recently reminded of that concept by my good friend Deborah. She is in a great relationship and always, always, always reminds everyone not to settle. I told my friend the other day that I would rather be alone than wondering if the guy I'm dating really likes me or not and vice versa. I understand there will be a little of that in the beginning stages but when a couple is 4 months in? 6 months? Those questions shouldn't exisist, in my opinon.
I was talking to another good friend yesterday and I told her, "We go through the same struggles. You go to Biola and I am from the South. There is this pressure to pair off." As much as we want to be like Beyonce, an independent woman with a sass about her, at the end of the day we still feel the same way as we have for the past however long. We want that person (plus Beyonce, as much game as she has, she has Jay-Z!).
Well I have a few perspective ideas. Now these are thoughts to keep in mind. These are the lessons I have learned/am learning/ will learn ect..

1. Do you like yourself? Are you confident? Are you solid in who (insert your name here) is?
Answer honestly. Truthfully. Take a minute. If you aren't then let me propose a question...how are you going be happy being with someone else if you aren't happy with yourself?

2. Are you meeting people? Getting out there? Involved with clubs, groups, ect? Get out more! Meet some people! Connect! Make friends.

3. 7/23/09 10:17 AM Lyndsi texts me : "One day you will always be around someone...ALL the time. Enjoy the silence." I saved that text message (obviously) for good reason. I look at it often. Because it reminds me to just be content with the season right now. We have our whole lives to be with someone. Do things that you can't do with a man. Easier said than done. I know.

4. "Lord, instead of giving you my list of things I want in a man. Who do you want me to be ? For my future ? For my husband?" Try that.

5. Undo those expectations. Men aren't like they are in the movies. Those guys have scripts. And even though guys in real life do have some smooth, memorized lines, they don't always get what they want at the end of the show.

6. Don't rush to the alter. After the wedding, you have a marriage. When all the cake or dinner leftovers are gone, you have his dirty laundry (and I mean that in every sense of the phrase). Marriage is not a wedding. It is a commitment. (Don't get me wrong. I can't wait for my wedding! But most women think that their wedding is the pinnacle. Ha girlfriend. You got a few things coming!)

Ya know, I'm not a professional. But I have been dating since I was 15 and I feel as if I have learned a few things a long the way. For right now, I'm holding out for the best. I date here and there but I try to majorly guard my heart. I've realized that I could probably fall in love with the living room sofa if I really wanted to. I like all this self realization. It's hurtful and helpful. Makes me realize what makes Abigail Herring tick.

So I encourage you, find out how you work. Trust in God. Don't get too lonely. Enjoy the quiet. Gleen the knowledge you need to know for this season. Remember a season of singleness is not your whole life. Seasons change.

OH! One last thing, I encourage you to find someone who loves you for exactly who you are. Don't change. Because what you are is beautiful. Of course, always work towards self improvement and betterment in the faith, life ect...but you get what I mean.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I love you all and that is what you need to know for today. And I'd like some Chicken Fil A.

Late Night Thoughts (Chopped and Screwed)

2009-09-28T23:30:00.007-05:00

Alright Demi Lavato and Taylor Swift. I do not understand how you peer into my soul every time your tunes come on my shuffle. You write your own music, you sing your own songs, you play your own instruments...you are 16 and 18! I am a 22 year old! How does this happen!? You can perfectly say how I feel!

Today was a long day. Long might be an understatement. Long days, tired, exhausted= all understatements in my world right now.

Okay I need to go to bed!

But I am very thankful for the girlfriends I have. I am so blessed. These women encourage, exhort, feel, think, listen, talk, and are accountability. They let me be Abigail Herring. That means the world to me. Draw close to the people who let you be you and love every second. Be you around me. Because I love it!

Goo Goo Dolls. Where have you been? You are my late night mix.

I'd like to learn to rap. I just gotta keep at it.

I'll write on boyfriend season tomorrow. K! Like, OMG. Gunna b so good! Srsly! ROFL!
kidding.
I don't talk like that.
well..
on occasion.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I love eating after 10 PM even though I normally don't eat after 7 PM. And did you know that a woman can sustain 30 pregnancy's in a lifetime (Thank you, Psych class!)?

Safety Net

2009-09-28T11:16:00.007-05:00

I am reporting to you live from the TCC library!

I have an hour until class. I'd rather write than do anything else.

Today has provided a lot of questions in my mind. I love my English class. It's more like an ethics class. Today we compared two music videos by two artists I strongly don't care for. Linkin Park and Nickelback. Different strokes haha. But the songs held a lot of cultural and sociological questions. Linkin Parks' "What I've Done" and Nickelbacks "If Everyone Cared" provided a lot of questions that I think we all need to ask ourselves.

Do we really care?

We have a responsability to this earth. Now keep in mind when I say these things, I'm talking to myself too. And when I say "you" I mean that as a generality. We have this huge responsability. For instance, if you see something that isn't right, change it. You have a voice and an opinion. I remember a good friend of mine once told me, "Abbs, if you don't like something then change it." What a concept. I see a lot of things in the world that grieve me. What am I doing about it?

Today I found out about ivory poaching. I never even knew that goes on. Not a thought in my mind. What happens is that men take the ivory found in the tusks of elephants. Guess what? The elephants have to be alive for there to be a successful ivory taking. How sad is that? We have a limited number of elephants on earth. It pains me that men are hurting them while they are alive and then killing them for freaking pianos (or whatever else!)! Very unsettling.

Radical or safe side? I'm not sure where I am in that respect. I wish I could self diagnose all that stuff but I am just starting to figure out where I am in many aspects. Where are you?

I think I stay out of different social issues because a lot of them make me very unsettled. I don't like the pain that comes with it. I don't like the weight I carry from these issues. But I want to make a difference in this life.
I have one example. Not the same thing but kinda close...
I remember when I was cast for The Diary of Anne Frank as Edith Frank (the mama). I really wanted to jump into the role. I'm playing someone who actually lived so I needed to be well aware of who she was and what the time period provided. I did my research. Now, let me tell you this. I can hear about the Holocaust all day long but it absolutely makes me sick to my stomach to see it. The pictures, footage ect of what went on in those camps gives me nightmares. In the 9th grade we had our Washington D.C. trip and we went to the Holocaust museum. I got through security then broke down crying cause I could feel the tension rising inside of me. Now, knowing all these facts it wasn't easy but I decided to watch Schindler's List for the role. It wasn't like seeing the real thing in photographs or on tape but to me... a three hour movie about the Holocaust was a big deal. I did some other research as well. From that experience I grew. But I also did have nightmares. Three of them. Vivid, dreams in HD nightmares. Two of them were in black in white! It was rough. I woke up with a deep sweat and short of breath. Through that experience, even though I was pained and deeply unsettled, I grew. Like I said earlier, not exactly the same thing but some of the same feelings were there.

I like how we are created differently. I want to find a cause I am passionate for. Deep rooted passion.

Brain Walks and Random Thoughts:

This week is going to be a doozy! The week before the show. Holy cow. Rehearsal every night per usual. Then weekend rehearsals. All day Saturday and Sunday from 2-10. Geesh. But I am ready. I want to be focused and prepared. This is going to be a great show!

I love music that moves. Music that has its own life form.

I am so excited that my hair is getting longer! I hate the stage its at where it flips out because I feel 1999 all over again!

It's boyfriend season. But I will talk about that in my next post. :)

My name is Abigail Herring.

I have an upset stomach today and I want to decorate my house very festively this year. And bake lots and lots of fall goodies.

Lightbulb.

2009-09-28T02:25:00.002-05:00

Oh boy.

I talk too much.
It's true.

But I figure, this is me. I say what I feel. I say what I mean. The end. I am me. I have restraint. I'm quick to repent if I say the wrong thing. I think about what I say (most of the time). Well enough of that. It didn't make sense. See? It's too early.

It's 2 AM. I find that most of my inspiration comes in the wee hours of the morning. Now, me staying up this late on a school night is not smart. not at all. But here I am. Blogging to you. I have horrible breath. I'm holding my hair up with a clothes pin. My socks don't match. Here I am, interweb. Here I am.

The weekend was good. I've had a series of good weekends for the past two months. Blessed.

Soapbox:

I saw something today that disturbed me. I saw a guy wearing a neon green sign on the island of a intersection on Denton Hwy saying "Turn to Jesus: Repent or Burn." I was this close *holds up fingers* to stopping on the corner, walking across the street and telling him that people might not respond well to that. No, I wouldn't say that off the bat but I would go to see whats up. See, I am super uptight when I see guys like that or the guys in dowtown who yell at people to repent. As Christians or Christ followers (for those who don't like the term "Christian") we are called to love. Now how can you love someone or attempt to when you are making them feel like crap or super guilt? Yeah, guilt happens to all of us, no one exluded. But I firmly believe in a different way of ministering to people. This isn't the Girl Scouts. We don't get patches for souls. We don't sell church cookies. Although, I do enjoy a good church bake sale. But you get what I mean. We don't do things for show or atleast we don't need to. But thats just me. Just show love. People are people. The sooner we understand that the sooner people will be happier. We ought to love and keep each other accountable. Learn the struggles. Carry that weight. But like I said, this is only my opinion. With each day, I seem to be changing and striving towards betterment. I want someone to see my life and wonder what I have. Yeah, totally cliche but heartfelt. God is love. God isn't "lemme make you feel like crap, you sinner!" God's arms are open. He reigns over the just as well as the unjust. Boom. How great is our God? Seriously. haha I bet you're singing that song in your head right now? Yeah? But anyway, I should have gotten out of the car.

Confession Corner:
I'm a Claymate. Yes, I love Clay Aiken.

I'd like a tattoo. But I'm not sure of what.

Okay, it's 2:30 or almost. I really should go to bed.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I can't stop listening to Ray LaMontagne and I'm growing up. And that scares me sometimes.

Let My Love Open the Door by Pete Townshend

2009-09-26T10:09:00.002-05:00

When people keep repeating
That you'll never fall in love
When everybody keeps retreating
But you can't seem to get enough
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart
When everything feels all over
When everybody seems unkind
I'll give you a four-leaf clover
Take all the worry out of your mind
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart I have the only key to your heart
I can stop you falling apart
Try today, you'll find this way
Come on and give me a chance to say
Let my love open the door
It's all I'm living for
Release yourself from misery
Only one thing's gonna set you free
That's my love
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart
When tragedy befalls you
Don't let them bring you down
Love can cure your problem
You're so lucky I'm around
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart

This is what I'm feeling today.

He is My Significant Other and I am His Insignificant Other

2009-09-24T14:39:00.007-05:00

If He is strong when I'm weak, then God is the strongest person ever right now.

Today, has been one of the most oddest days I've ever had. This week. Last week. These past few months.

But today, back to back to back.

I feel sick to my stomach. I feel tired. I am feeling a lot of things right now. I wish I could lay it right here on the table but I can't right now. Just please pray, friends. That's all I ask is that when you have your time with the Lord, you think of me and send up a request for peace.

I've learned two lessons today:

1. Never Get Comfortable- Don't you even dare try. I firmly believe there are two types of God followers- the active and the non active.

Non active- planted, comfortable, happy with Sundays, and small groups.

Active- rooted in the foundations of Christ, uprooted in His presence, they go where the Spirit directs.

Either way, if you are following God or just living life...get prepared.

Now, I don't have a solid argument for either being a bad thing because I don't think they are. But I solidly believe that if you want an interactive God breathed lifestyle..He will give it. Because I firmly believe that when we go with God, life won't be dull.

2. Expect the Unexpected

Change is inevitable. The end.

I'm twisted. I'm angry, happy, humbled, pissed off, and ready. Conflicting emotions that are battling inside of me.

I'll share something very intense. There is an epic spiritual battle inside right now. But in this battle, my allegiance is to my King. I have a feeling I know what Satan and his posse want and they aren't going to get it.

Psalms 34 (MSG) If you want to feel freedom in a totally new way, read that.

People are funny. Everyone one is, me included. I tend to live by the Maya Angelou quote, "If someone shows you who they are, believe them." I put that as a facebook status once and I don't think a friend got it. He put, "What if they lie." Then they just showed you something, didn't they? I understand people make mistakes but there is a fine line. Even today, yesterday, and the past couple weeks- I've had someone show me who they are. And I'm believing them. Disappointment. But there must be compassion. there must be grace. But my flesh wants to say " I got your point. Are you done now!!?"

I was just about to go off on a tangent about my heart and love. But I stopped myself.
God's got it.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I am pissed off but praising Jesus. And He is able.

Piccamolo

2009-09-24T01:57:00.000-05:00

My life has never been boring. Today reassured that.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I am about to fall asleep on my toilet (I get fantastic wireless in this small space) and I liked homemade breads for example: blueberry bread, banana nut break, zucchini bread, pumpkin bread ect. And I like them heated with whip cream.

You're hungry now, aren't ya?

Second Winds.

2009-09-23T12:28:00.000-05:00

UPDATE ON THE AWKWARD SITUATION:
Our lawn man and his son are working at our house all this week and possible next. Awesome. :/ lol kidding. it's not that bad but still...

I think I know why older people are "senile." I had that revelation on the drive to Starbucks. I'm 22 years old and there are times where I am done with this whole "life" thing. Believe me, I'm not done with it but you know what I mean. I just get tired. Now, if I get tired at 22. I wonder how an 80 year old must feel. They have put up with shenanigans for a hecko a long time! No wonder they would be crabby. I would be too.

I love when we pray about miracle things to God. I'm about to go do some more praying. In this prayer--concert tickets. Jamie Foxx is coming here and Ne-Yo will be a guest (Only in the Louisiana and Texas shows!)! I can't even believe it. I deemed the tickets too expensive but when I found out the amazing craziness that will happen during the show... I am itchin to go! I know a friend of mine would LOVE it and I want to surprise them with tickets. And so I prayed that I would get a pair for the weekend. We shall see. God's got it and I'm prayin my butt off! It's hard when funds are limited and seats are more or less sold out. But I believe.

I'm about to go eat lunch with my brother and parents. I have to pray super hard before I see my brother, Jamie. I always feel so defensive and uptight around him. It's been that way for awhile and he is totally clueless. I hate that though. When I try to talk to him about stuff, I think he thinks that I'm just being an emotional girl. He's blamed all that one me before. I just care about him so much! I just keep steadfast in my prayers. Sometimes he says things to me that I would usually "roundhouse kick to the face" someone but I have learned to turn the other cheek. It's difficult. It's definitely not easy to be around him sometimes. But I've learned that we must forgive, forgive, forgive. that is the only way. I have a list of people/situations I've struggled with and I pray over them everyday. You should try it. It has changed a lot of my mind/heart.

Another dislike (sorry): I have certain people in my life some ex boyfriends or whatnot that only would like to talk to me if they think I can help them out with something like helping their band or helping them with a girl problem. I find that a bit lame and disappointing. But I guess it happens right?

Alright, time to face lunch. :) I need to wash my face and get ready!

My name is Abigail Herring.

I love animal crackers and I am OBSESSED with The Office (as you all might know). And I'm not sure where life is going, but I'm buckled in.

2009-09-23T09:09:00.000-05:00

I just woke up from a dream where I remember kissing someone ( or some sort of hanky panky) and I woke up just real quick and couldn't remember who is was! Which is totally unlike me because I dream in HD and always remember my dreams.

Does this ever happen to you?
You buy the song you LOVE on Itunes finally and then you rarely listen to it after that? I hate when that happens! For instance, I bought "Birthday Sex" by Jeremih because it is my guilty pleasure song. And that in itself is weird to say because I usually love songs like that (not necessarily about sex but slow jams). But this time around, I felt like I needed a shower after wards! Anyway, so I bought that and have listened to it a handful of times. Yikes. Then I hate when you get tired of all your music. I have over 4,000 songs in my Itunes library and I seem to be tired of all of them.

It's Wednesday. Half way through. Hump day, as they say. I never did get that until later...then I felt like an idiot.

They are making an Anchorman 2. It's true.

My name is Abigail Herring

I hate posting short blog posts but I love the long revelation blogs that happen every now and again. And I oddly love this cold weather (usually I'm a summer kind of girl).

Baby, it's cold outside (finally).

2009-09-22T11:31:00.000-05:00

This will be quick.

Slept through my alarm today and didn't do some things I needed to do.

Although, I did have a great time with God this morning. He is teaching and I am learning which is the way to be. Submission, submission, submission. I want to please the Lord more. I find Him so freaking cool and I want to be his close friend. Thankfully He doesn't have a secret society where we need a password or we have to do the whole initiation thing. He says "Come as you are and seek Me."
Psalm 34 MSG version. It will set your soul on fire.

I'm still praying my director will call me or something and tell me not to come to practice tonight. They aren't doing my scene or whatnot..I really want to see Pastor Robert teach at Seven!! But *sigh* what happens, happens.

I hear its cold outside? Yes!

I have a thousand other thoughts. I will write them soon enough.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I would really like some soup and I miss Grace. And I feel like good things are coming my way, very soon.

I'll sit back and wait for you. Just don't pass me by.

2009-09-21T21:16:00.000-05:00

Brain Walks and Random Thoughts...

I might need professional help. I need to kick this ice cream obsession I have. I really can't do it anymore! I shouldn't! HELP! Any tips on how to get over this? ANY!?! I'm desperate. I need to start working out and get that skinny girl that I know is inside of me! YIKES!

God is good. Today I prayed that practice would be nice and easy because I am exhausted! I get there and we only go til 8. 2 hours early! And we just run lines. It was fantastic. :) Thank you Lord!

I thought of so much to tell you this afternoon and now it is all escaping me! I really ought to carry a little notebook around to document my revelations about life!

I saw a cute old couple at Panera bread today. I almost cried they were so cute. They had matching t-shirts. I can't wait for that! I mean I can but ya know. :)

I like when I can "Pull a Mary." I say that loosely because God didn't tell me about a virgin birth! haha But when I have something so special to my heart and I get to tell God all about it. It's like a beautiful diamond I found and I get to say "Dad! Can I keep it? Or do I need to give it to you? What's this all about? I'm gonna let you hold on to it. Let me know when I will be ready."

Confession:

I'm really shy at heart. Believe it. Especially these days when it comes to the opposite sex. Oh boy. Nervous, nervous, nervous! Friends, you should see me. My palms sweat and I get short of breath. It's a sight. Even with new people, I find myself acting a little inward. But maybe it is a phase. When I was a kid, I was the shy one in the family. Not sure what happened but it might be revisiting. It's okay. I will kick that in the pants!

Yeah so..

I'm definitely starting my "reminder week of me being a woman". Its fascinating how you can feel your body working. I know what's going and lemme tell ya...not excited about it!

I need to do some homework and work on some lines. :/

My name is Abigail Herring.

I'm in a very romantic mood and I have a hecko' a lot of love to give. And it's 10 PM, I need to stop procrastinating.

Queenie.

2009-09-21T14:10:00.000-05:00

Awkward Moment of the Day:
I come home from school and see workers in my yard. I get out of my car to get the trash cans from near the mailbox. I look over and see someone familiar. Yeah, totally had a little thing with our yard man's son when I was 16. Not a big deal but still.. I haven't seen him since. It's one of those people that you really shouldn't see again. Awkward.

In other news...

I'm super upset I can't go to Seven tomorrow night. Pastor Robert is going to be preaching. 2 1/2 weeks until the show opens. Yikes.

I can't wait to start looking pretty again. I just don't have time to get all done up on weekdays. It's a good day when I have time to put make up on but for the most part I am pretty bare faced. Not a bad thing. Letting my face breathe. I can't wait to have a little more of a life again. Don't get me wrong. I love the theater but this time around it has taken a toll. I think it's because I am taking more than 12 hours of schooling. It's going to be a great show though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dR5eco8SW0I

That link. Gives. Me. Chills.

I'm scared for my sister to grow up. Or I guess I should say, grow up more. But I have to let her spread her wings. *sigh* It's difficult.

Okay, I HAVE TO DO THINGS ON MY TO DO LIST! Yikes.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I love my overalls and I just farted. And I'm going to do things God's way, flesh aside and heart uplifted, it's all in His hands now.

Turning Point Sundays

2009-09-21T07:36:00.000-05:00

Turning Point Sundays: any moment on a Sunday where one realizes something very important and beneficial for the future, which may come as a surprise; a revelation.

Hallelujah for TPS! Yesterday, I was in Chicken Express when I had my major revelation. Last week, I was at Starbucks. As we get older, it becomes more beneficial to have these moments. Some ignore but some gather that information together in their basket of knowledge and use it. Well lemme tell ya! I want to be that gatherer!

Yesterday, as I was eating my delicious chicken when it dawned on me that I don't think I need what I have always thought I needed. I mean this was like ACME bricks on my head, just like in the cartoons. BOOM. When it comes to men, I've always thought I needed one specific type of person. But I realized yesterday, I don't think that is true anymore, I think I need the opposite type (I realize I'm being vague). Now the thing with TPS, is that it is kinda of like "being served" papers. Once these revelations hit, they are your responsibility to fix!

But as I wake each morning with that feeling in my chest, that hope for the future but need to take each day at a time, I realize I shouldn't be too hasty. Even in my slowest pace, I need to just be very careful in my choices during the day and thought life in the still of the night. And as many times as I think I have it together, I don't. My heart is full with love for my person whomever that might be. And although I don't want to be married right now, I do want to feel those feelings. But one must be cautious. These days "dating" isn't just "dating" anymore. When you date at my age either one or both of the persons involved is in it to win it, wanting to put a ring on it.

But for the time being, I enjoy my TPS. I hope I always have those random moments where I realize something that I never knew about myself.

*sigh* :)

I'm pretty sure every song can be traced back to Bob Dylan. He is such a conspiracy person to me. I love his music but I swear he has written every song out there! For instance, "To Make You Feel My Love" which is sung by not only Adele (who I most know the song from) but Garth Brooks and Billy Joel...Bob Dylan wrote it. BOOM! Sweet Lord and butter. Bob Dylan has always been a mystery though. He has seen an eyeful in his lifetime.

Lord, give me the strength to make it through this day. It will be long and tedious. You are more than enough for me. Your grace has set my soul on fire. You see me when I am a mess, you see me when I think I'm clean and you just plain ole see me. Thank you for your love. Without it, I am dead. Without you Father, I am nothing. Amen.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I don't like olives and I like the feeling of my shaved legs on my cotton sheets. And I've decided that Miley's song "Party in the USA" is inaccurate. What taxi cab driver plays Britney is his cab? None that I've been in!

Sundays in Texas

2009-09-20T18:24:00.001-05:00

Football. Football. Football.

I'm learning to care. I'm learning about the game. BBQ, the Cowboys and togetherness. Football Sundays in Texas just feel right.

I've had a lot of thoughts but I will just have to share them when I get back from watching the Cowboy game! I'm making peanut butter brownies. Wow. Football and food. I'm like the perfect woman, right!?! HA! Kidding. ;)

This is a turning point Sunday. I'll explain that in my next blog.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I love the song "Someone to Watch Over Me." A hobo could sing it and I'd love it. And I've realized the incredible freedom we have in Jesus Christ.

"I can resist everything but temptation."

2009-09-18T18:15:00.000-05:00

I create movie montages in my head. For instance, the light is coming through my window hits my bed just right while Adele's "Make You Feel My Love" is playing in the background. You pan to my bed where I sit lazily thinking about what the day brings. Ect..

Brain walks and random thoughts:

The past week the future has seemed hazy. I find myself struggling, staggering around attempting to make sense of puzzle pieces. The wonders of humans are that we can recreate ourselves if we have the strength and courage to break out of the mold. That's what separates us from the animals (that along with a few other things). Animals will be animals. A zebra will be a zebra. It will look like a zebra and pull zebra like shenanigans. But us, the humans can turn ourselves around. It's fascinating.

I really have a lot of respect for Sylvia Plath. I don't know the entirety of her life (which I will find out) but I have read her Unabridged Journals. It is fantastic writing! Her realist, dark (at times) romanticism is enchanting.

Secret Single Behavior: Sometimes when I am getting ready for school, work, whatever I am going to do..I hold my hand up and imagine an engagement ring on it. It's just a thing I do. :) If I am not going to be engaged right now (all in time, all in time), I'll at least visualize it for a second!

I really need new clothes. I'm taking a break from folding my clothes right now. Pathetic.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I have a dirty room to clean and I've eaten New York style pizza a lot this week. And I enjoy a good surprise, it's hard to surprise me but when there is a successful one...my heart leaps.

Songstress and Seemstress

2009-09-18T00:59:00.000-05:00

I love songs that sew your heart back together or even just cradle it for awhile. Note by note. Lyric by lyric. From the beat of the drum to the high range vocal, you are in repair.

Peopleofwalmart.com

An AMAZING site!

I'm 22 and I feel like I've lived several lifetimes. I wonder what its like to be 40. I'll get there, I know. Thank God for being works in progress! It's strange what we recall and odd what we forget.

I miss California sometimes. I still remember the smell of my old dorm room. My Sophomore year roommate was incredible. I can describe all of her manor isms. She would take forever to pick out an outfit for dinner. She rarely sat down. She stood up at her HP computer, browsing for the perfect song to set her mood off. She would occasionally walk by the window and see what was going on down below. She smelled of sweet perfume and a hair straighter. If you could make her laugh, you would be in. I miss the cooler California days. The days where you felt on top of your game. You felt alive when the trees starting to sway with your rhythm.

I need to go to bed. I'll be more interesting soon. Promise

My name is Abigail Herring.

I love Liza Minnelli and college basketball. And I'm learning how to portray a feeling. Baby steps.

The hardest part of blogging is the "blog" part.

2009-09-18T00:43:00.000-05:00

Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV)

¹⁷ The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."

Thank you Karly Daquila for posting that on Twitter one August day. It has changed my life.

Alright, Lord.

Quiet me with your love. Shut me up. I'm Helen Keller. You are Annie Sullivan. Teach me the basics. Teach me to rely fully on you. Free fall into your wisdom and grace. Discipline and Disciple me.

Wait.

That's interesting. Discipline and Disciple look similar. Probably because you need them both. Discipline in Discipleship. Hm. Interesting thought.

It's funny what we buy into. I've had some thoughts the past year or so where I find myself saying, "This is ruined" when it comes to a social situation.

What exactly is ruined? We are all human. In one way, it's a beautiful process...being ruined. Yup, broken everywhere. Not having it all together. Weakness to some, a masterpiece to others. Then again, I hate when I don't have it all together. It bothers me. But there are times like these, where I am sitting here, typing to you.. in leg warmers, a tshirt, and a Signorney Weaver 'do where I am perfectly fine with the tears and fears that happened during my day. I am okay that I have a stubbed toe and I am overworked. I am okay. Because I know that it will all be okay. Life is a journey. Better yet, I hate to admit this (not really, I'm perfectly secure in it) but Miley you were right, life is a climb.

My name is Abigail Herring.

I love rap music and wedding cake. I'm funny and magical. And I love me some Jesus.